hetalia_kink | Hetalia kink meme part 27

Hetalia kink meme part 27

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Just to clarify— I don't want to see America morbidly obese or something like that, I don't actually hate him. But let's say— he's been putting on weight. Maybe halfway into the overweight category, and since this is canonverse and Hetalia's a comedy show maybe make the 'obesity epidemic' a literal sickness, like nation fleas.
Someone calls him out on it, commence large-scale shaming by other nations. The more stupid fat people jokes the better.
B1: can we involve Canada trying to make a joke at America's expense, but trailing off awkwardly halfway through, because he doesn't want to make anyone angry?

"Well, it certainly seems like the 'Big Mac' franchise lives up to it's name."

"Shut up, France," America groaned. "I'm not that big."

"No, but if I recall correctly," France darted a pinch at the protruding stomach flab, "you've haven't been this chubby since you were a perfectly healthy toddler. Now, you are not so healthy."

America tucked his arms around his stomach protectively, glaring at the Frenchman. "Hey! I've been eating junk for a normal human's lifetime, and this just happened now! It's because my obesity rate is going up. What do you know, you stupid, cheese-eating, surrender monkey? If it wasn't for me, you'd be speaking German right now!"

France raised his hands in defense. "Do not have a heart attack, America! There is no need to increase the risks of hospitalization with such intense anger sky-rocketing your blood pressure. I am only saying that it is unfortunate what has happened to you. But you are right - this is more to do with your people than the sickening trash you put in your mouth. Not everyone can have my sexy population, who contribute to my seductive and toned body, honhonhon!" He rubbed down his chest and over his sides as he brought up his own nation.

America wasn't amused. "I can still pop you in the face."

"And risk going into premature labor, you bloody twit?" Britain quipped as he entered the meeting room.

The conference wasn't set to start for another half hour. Most of the nations had not yet arrived, but were well on their way. America was only there so early due to being the host, and France and Britain were almost always one of the first to settle into place.

"I told you this would happen," he continued, crossing his arms. "You look dreadfully pregnant. Maybe you should consider laying off the fried butter."

America jolted. "What!? There's no way I'm that big! How far along do I look?"

"I'd say six months at the least."

France pouted. "Why do you threaten me yet take his words to heart?"

"Because you're always a narcissist about your appearance! Britain's just nuts about his fairies," America explained, ripping hands away from his baby-like belly. It did not look right.

Britain growled. "The fairies are real! You can't see them because you are non-believers!"

"Of course, Angleterre." France snorted. "I already have an intervention planned for you, later. For now, we must deal with America's problem before he eats himself to death!"

"DUDE! We already established that this is my people's fault, not mine! I train, like, all the time!" the Yankee protested.

France planed a calming hand on his shoulder, which America glanced at with contempt.

"Just promise me you will not turn to more grease for comfort. It is not right."

"Is...that a joke...about my economy?"

The three jumped, giving little, unmanly shrieks. The Mediterranean country watched them with bored eyes from his designated seat half a dozen chairs down.

"Greece!? What the hell are you doing here!?" Britain demanded. "When did you get here!?"

"About...six minutes ago," he replied. His eyes hardened. "Were you joking about my economy?"

"No!" Britain retorted as France grabbed a hold of America's shoulders, seemingly in a panic.

"America! Listen to me! In English, his name is spelled with three 'e's and a 'c'! Not two 'e's, and 's' and an 'a'! Do not try to drip strange objects into him! - Unless that object is your co- "

America shoved the man into the table. "Dude! I'm not that dumb!"

Britain jumped at the chance to prove himself more mature than his rival. "That's right, frog! While the bugger isn't the brightest crayon in the box by no means, he can still tell the difference between a person and food." His sense of sarcasm added, without thinking, "For now."

The Yankee grimaced. "I hate you both. I'm not a cannibal!"

Meanwhile, Greece closed his eyes for a short catnap. The Italy brothers hurried into the meeting room.

"God damn it, Veneziano! We're so late we've missed the whole thing!" Romano yelled.

His brother cowered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But it really was your turn to set the alarm clock!"

"I did! You pressed snooze too many times!"

"It's not my fault you're a heavy sleeper!"

America forced himself to relax. "Guys, you've still got a good twenty-five minutes to go before we start. Don't worry."

The two were relieved, until they got a good look at their host. Romano sweat dropped before bursting into laughter while Veneziano was utterly mortified.

"See, you bastard? This is what happens when you turn our food into Olive Garden shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"B-B-But! Big brother! We've been packing on weight, too!" Veneziano cried. "Our stomachts aren't flat anymore! What if we end up like that!?"

Romano smacked him over the head. "Idiot! Hehehaha. We're not fat. It's just a tiny amount of pudge over our pants waist. Hahaehehe! I always knew America was an ass, but now he's literally a fatass. It matches his ego now!"

Veneziano wasn't convinced. In fact, he began to bawl about his 'horrible fate,' and how he really needs to train with Germany now.

Britain snickered.

France turned on him. "Do not be so quick to laugh, Britain. After all, you consume more McDonalds than either of the Italy brothers do. You're probably next."

America tightened his hands into fists. "I'm still here, you know," he said through clenched teeth.

At that moment, Cuba and Canada (along with Kumajiro) entered the meeting room.

"Again, I'm sorry for mistaking you for your brother again. We can get some ice cream aft...er..." Cuba trailed off at the sight of America. "Now I really feel stupid for thinking you were him. You don't look anything alike!"

Canada blinked. "Uh..."

Kumajiro lifted his snout to look at his owner. "Who's the fatso?"

"What the HELL!" America exploded. "Why is the bear making fun of me, too!? Cuba's ten times bigger than me!"

Cuba's eyes lit on fire. "Excuse me!? I'm not fat! IF ANYONE'S FAT, IT'S YOU!"

And before anyone else could make another joke, America and Cuba lunged across the table at each other.

Britain, France, and Canada watched in horror as the two butterballs collided, and broke said table in half. It even startled Greece awake for once. Romano was absolutely hooting with laughter, clutching his sides, while Veneziano swaying in place, presumably ready to faint.

Canada's lips twitched. "Uh, well, I guess you guys should lay off the, uh, junk more...often. Uh, ha?"

Thankfully, he had gone invisible as the two blondes tried to help the other two up and Romano caught his brother before he fell on top of him. Greece quietly phoned the emergency hotline for an ambulance or two.

Everyone else on their way to the meeting was surprised by the text they received from Britain, three minutes later, that declared the conference delayed until the next day.

- - -

Viola. It was fun to write, but I feel like I failed at the jokes. Hope you liked it, OP.

Nailed it. <3 Especially the part with Canada. And Cuba.

Drive by anon, who also happens to be fat, here. The A!Anon hasn't done anything wrong. I don't feel made fun of, as the anons* above me might suggest. If anything, I giggled really hard.

* I'm on mobile and autocorrect tried to make anons into snobs. Maybe that should be a sign everyone needs to take a chill pill?

Chill is right. I've just screened a bunch of wank and rule-breaking insults; I'm going to freeze this comment also not because it's rule-breaking but because it's clear that civil IRL-related discussion of the topic is just not going to happen here.

The original request and the fill do not break any kink meme rules; anons who can see from the subject line that they won't like it should scroll past.

I'm so glad somebody had America say "cheese-eating surrender monkey." I know its really rude but I had this really sarcastic hipster sociology/poli-sci prof. last semester who said this while ironically comparing the US policies with those of Europe. I think I even posted it in a prompt somewhere. Also good job with the Greece economy joke!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hetalia kink meme part 27

America— comedy, someone finally calls him out on 'the fat thing'

Two Plus Two Equals Pain

OPpf

(frozen comment) Re: Two Plus Two Equals Pain

(frozen comment) Re: Two Plus Two Equals Pain

Re: Two Plus Two Equals Pain