Or, more specifically, this: http://www.cracked.com/article_19981_the-5-most-embarrassing-failures-in-history-war.html
There are many ways this could go, and I kinda see them all getting in a fight at a world meeting, and pulling these stories out as ammunition, but however anons want is fine. I don't want pairings or anything, I just want to laugh. :D
Bonus 1: You include ALL of the stories. Bonus 2: If you don't do bonus one, this anon likes Australia, so if he at least could be included, all the better.
"All right." America stared at the distant fort, drumming his fingers nervously on the rail. Time was tight; they'd been given only two days to capture the island, and Guam was so important that the Spanish were bound to fight tooth and nail to hold it. They had to win this quickly. He took a deep breath. "Open fire!"
The thunder of cannonfire tore the air, sending birds shrieking from distant trees. America counted mechanically as the cannonballs hurtled towards the fortress. Six, seven -- he kept his eyes on the shorebound cannon, eyes straining to see human movement against the distance and the bright glare of the sun -- ten, eleven, was Spain asleep over there? Thirteen.
The gunners began to reload as the fleet awaited the return barrage.
And waited.
And waited.
After a few minutes, a small ship pulled out of the harbour and began to approach the fleet. One of the gunners trained on it, but as the ship came closer America saw that it was unarmed. As it drew closer still, he realised that there were two people aboard -- a human dressed in the Uniform of a Spanish officer, and the small, brown-haired personification of Guam.
"Greetings, Americans!" the officer called out. "May we humbly request permission to come aboard?"
"Um, sure, I guess," America managed. What on Earth was Spain playing at? For that matter, where was Spain?
It only got more surreal from there.
"Welcome to my home." Guam had brown eyes, too. "I'm sorry we weren't expecting you, but thank you for your wonderful salute!" America was sure he hadn't ever managed that level of polite enthusiasm when he was a kid. "Only, I'm terribly sorry --" Guam's voice lowered to an embarrassed mutter. "-- but we don't have any gunpowder, so we can't return your salute. Would you lend us some? I'd hate to be so rude as not to respond."
"Um, no," America said. Reality returned. It was a nice trick to use child-sized Guam to try talking him into giving gunpowder to the enemy, but America was no fool. Spain had better learn that now.
"Sorry?" Guam was a great actor; that startled voice sounded genuine. "But, Mr. America, I don't have any gunpowder. I can't return your salute, and I don't want to insult you --"
"Kid, we're at war," America said firmly. "I'm not giving you ammunition. You've got barrels of gunpowder stacked away, Spain'll have made sure of that."
Now Guam just seemed confused. "But, Mr. America, we aren't at war."
"...yes, we are." America searched his pockets for the official decleration, and waved it in front of Guam's nose.
"No, we aren't." Guam attempted to stand proudly tall. With barely three feet to work with, it was an interesting effect. "Mr. America, if we were at war, wouldn't Spain have told me?"
**
"And that's how America captured me without any resistance," Guam says, to raucous applause. The gangly, preteen island takes a deep bow and hops off the table.
That doesn't count!" Turkey yells over the din. "That was embarrassing for Spain, not you!" Spain makes a rude gesture in his direction, not that Turkey notices.
"I've got a better one!" Australia jumps onto the table with a broad grin. The crowd begins to quiet down at the prospect of another story.
Australia grins around at all of them. "So, I was having this problem with emus..."
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Any - Embarrassing War Stories
(Anonymous) 2013-02-25 07:32 am (UTC)(link)Or, more specifically, this:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19981_the-5-most-embarrassing-failures-in-history-war.html
There are many ways this could go, and I kinda see them all getting in a fight at a world meeting, and pulling these stories out as ammunition, but however anons want is fine.
I don't want pairings or anything, I just want to laugh. :D
Bonus 1: You include ALL of the stories.
Bonus 2: If you don't do bonus one, this anon likes Australia, so if he at least could be included, all the better.
You think that's bad? (1/1)
(Anonymous) 2013-03-16 12:38 pm (UTC)(link)"All right." America stared at the distant fort, drumming his fingers nervously on the rail. Time was tight; they'd been given only two days to capture the island, and Guam was so important that the Spanish were bound to fight tooth and nail to hold it. They had to win this quickly. He took a deep breath. "Open fire!"
The thunder of cannonfire tore the air, sending birds shrieking from distant trees. America counted mechanically as the cannonballs hurtled towards the fortress. Six, seven -- he kept his eyes on the shorebound cannon, eyes straining to see human movement against the distance and the bright glare of the sun -- ten, eleven, was Spain asleep over there? Thirteen.
The gunners began to reload as the fleet awaited the return barrage.
And waited.
And waited.
After a few minutes, a small ship pulled out of the harbour and began to approach the fleet. One of the gunners trained on it, but as the ship came closer America saw that it was unarmed. As it drew closer still, he realised that there were two people aboard -- a human dressed in the Uniform of a Spanish officer, and the small, brown-haired personification of Guam.
"Greetings, Americans!" the officer called out. "May we humbly request permission to come aboard?"
"Um, sure, I guess," America managed. What on Earth was Spain playing at? For that matter, where was Spain?
It only got more surreal from there.
"Welcome to my home." Guam had brown eyes, too. "I'm sorry we weren't expecting you, but thank you for your wonderful salute!" America was sure he hadn't ever managed that level of polite enthusiasm when he was a kid. "Only, I'm terribly sorry --" Guam's voice lowered to an embarrassed mutter. "-- but we don't have any gunpowder, so we can't return your salute. Would you lend us some? I'd hate to be so rude as not to respond."
"Um, no," America said. Reality returned. It was a nice trick to use child-sized Guam to try talking him into giving gunpowder to the enemy, but America was no fool. Spain had better learn that now.
"Sorry?" Guam was a great actor; that startled voice sounded genuine. "But, Mr. America, I don't have any gunpowder. I can't return your salute, and I don't want to insult you --"
"Kid, we're at war," America said firmly. "I'm not giving you ammunition. You've got barrels of gunpowder stacked away, Spain'll have made sure of that."
Now Guam just seemed confused. "But, Mr. America, we aren't at war."
"...yes, we are." America searched his pockets for the official decleration, and waved it in front of Guam's nose.
"No, we aren't." Guam attempted to stand proudly tall. With barely three feet to work with, it was an interesting effect. "Mr. America, if we were at war, wouldn't Spain have told me?"
**
"And that's how America captured me without any resistance," Guam says, to raucous applause. The gangly, preteen island takes a deep bow and hops off the table.
That doesn't count!" Turkey yells over the din. "That was embarrassing for Spain, not you!" Spain makes a rude gesture in his direction, not that Turkey notices.
"I've got a better one!" Australia jumps onto the table with a broad grin. The crowd begins to quiet down at the prospect of another story.
Australia grins around at all of them. "So, I was having this problem with emus..."
Re: You think that's bad? (1/1)
(Anonymous) 2013-03-16 08:45 pm (UTC)(link)OP Approves
(Anonymous) 2013-03-17 09:32 am (UTC)(link)Thanks so much for filling, Anon!