Ha ha ha, I have no idea. Thank you for the lovely comments! I'm glad you're enjoying this complete nonsense, and I hope it doesn't reveal too much about my character.
Enlgnad decided that he was most likely drunk. Well, no, that couldn’t be right! It was only (here, he had to glance at the grandfather clock, the face of which had separated completely from the body. The hands were still pointing to the right places at any rate) two in the afternoon! He couldn’t possibly be this sloshed yet. Perhaps the fae had slipped hallucinogens in his tea again. Still, he thought as he eyed the scarfed hood ornament, it was certainly one of his more creative hallucinations.
“Hello, Russia,” he greeted calmly. “And might I ask why you are a truck?”
“I AM A RAPETRUCK, AND I AM GOING TO AMERICA, DA!”
England nodded. After all, hallucinogenically it made perfect sense. “Sounds lovely. Could you back out of my living room if you don’t mind? I’m having tea.”
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME WITH ME, DA!”
Hmm. It seemed that trucks didn’t have the ability to inflect questions as questions. Or maybe it was just a Russian thing.
“…why are you saying ‘yes’ at the end of every sentence?”
Russia looked confused. Well, as much as a truck could look confused. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, DA!”
Again with the nonexistent question marks, England’s thoughts groused. Really, and America butchered his language enough. But that was a rational thought. He wasn’t supposed to be having rational thoughts right now.
“Ah, never mind. Where do I sit?”
“IN THE BACK, DA!” The trailer door burst open. “HURRY UP, WE MUST BE GOING, DA!”
Well, England thought as he climbed in, greeting the Baltics and making a rude hand gesture at France, it certainly gave a whole new meaning to the idea of becoming one with Russia.
Lol why so awesome? For some reason, I think England drunken calm acceptance of the whole scenario the funniest thing I've read all day. Please write more!
AND SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL I'M GONNA BRUST FROM THE JOY ALL OVER RUSSIA'S HOOD ♥
I don't have words to do this justice. Just. PFFFFFFFF. I love you. And Russia's neverending stream of 'da's xDDDDDDDDDDDDDD that's totally the way I imagine France around his home, stark naked and sipping wineXD (and the fact he puts on the rose consciously not to alarm others with his beauty)
And the back door=anatomy partXD
(Really, France thought, if he was going to insert random Russian, he might as well just speak Russian! He could understand Russian.)
THANK YOU FOR THAT!! I don't know why the hell people think the nations "can barely speak" any language. They are immortal. Hell, even America, as young as he is, has had enough time to learn all languages in the world. But making France not know any European language is an idiocy only topped by the MUCH MORE FREQUENT AND ENDLESSLY STUPIDITY OF ENGLAND NOT KNOWING FRENCH. Ugh. So thank you for making fun of that <3
Re: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
I wish, but sadly, in some (read: many) fics, England/America really doesn't know French. Like, in some cases of emergency (i.e. war, accident), they must have Canada translate for them ;_;. I've never read any fic with France not knowning English (except one AU), but well, the fics are all written in English so it's understandable.
Credit goes to one of the anons that commented on the first part for the Transformers idea, though tit's not quite the same :)
France suddenly removed his hand from Estonia’s hip (it had started on his shoulder and had been steadily moving downward). “I have just thought of something.”
England glared at him. Honestly, he thought, why on Earth was France in his hallucination? “What?” he snapped.
“Russia travelled from Paris to London in little over five minutes. This should not be possible.”
This had to be the strangest hallucination ever, England marveled. France was actually being logical about something! He didn’t realize his mind could come up with something that crazy while high. Well, even if anything was possible in a hallucination, he might as well play along. England turned to the Baltics.
Lithuania shifted uncomfortably (though this may have been due more to France’s proximity). “It’s…a really silly reason, actually.”
England raised an eyebrow. “Oh, come now. Spit it out, won’t you?”
Latvia fidgeted. “Well…you know that movie A-America made everyone watch as his n-new plan to save the p-planet?”
France and England both thought back. England asked, “With the turtles?” at the same time France asked, “With the robots?”
“The robot one.”
France stuck his tongue out at England. England tried to punch him in the face but missed and ended up on the ground.
Estonia rolled his eyes at the pair of them. “Anyway, because of that, Russia’s convinced that he’s an ancient alien robot capable of teleportation.”
…
…
“WHAT.”
Lithuania shrugged. “I said it was a silly reason.”
“That makes no sense at all!” England sputtered.
France gestured wildly. “Just because he is convinced of something does not make it–”
“SHH!” France suddenly found three pairs of hands covering his mouth.
Latvia glanced toward the front of the trailer nervously. “D-don’t let him hear that!” he whispered.
“Why the bloody hell not?” England hissed.
“If he starts unbelieving it, it might not be true anymore,” Estonia explained.
“Exactly,” Lithuania whispered. “So imagine if he starts not believing that he’s a truck. Where does that leave us?”
England and France thought about this for a second. Then they promptly shuddered and vowed never to think about it again.
New reviewer!anon can't help but think that if Russia is a truck, they really CAN fit a lot into Mother Russia! Now I may not have read thoroughly if I missed this detail, but is Russia a pickup truck or an 18-wheeler? I'm picturing the Baltics and England and France stuck in some dark shut moving truck compartment, but they could also just be sitting in the back of a pickup with the sun and wind on them...
Nah, I just realized I was pretty unclear. Russia's an 18-wheeler. like Optimus Prime /shot There's a few lamps sitting around or something, I think :)
O-OMG.... Transformers Idea!anon here, just like to say: WHAT IS THIS?!? I DON'T EVEN- My poor brain! I just finished putting it back together again, and you post this update that completely smashes it all over again! But it hurts so good! I couldn't stop giggling (read: laughing like a maniac on the inside, 'cus I'm at work and it wouldn't look good to just suddenly start laughing at something your not supposed to be doing, like checking the kink meme) during the whole thing.
Where to next, author!anon? Who's the next victim to be kidnappedabductedescorted to America's house?
Five minutes later, they were joined by a bemused Germany and a guffawing Prussia.
Five minutes after that, a gleeful Hungary came in, dragging a reluctant Austria along with her, who was promptly tackled by Prussia. He was then hit by Hungary’s magically appearing frying pan (which came from the same breed of objects as France’s rose which is still censoring him, by the way).
Five more minutes later, North and South Italy had wandered in. Veneziano had immediately latched onto Germany’s arm and started chattering his ear off while Romano had immediately started bellowing about potato bastards and the lack of morals that came with them. Germany endured all of this with a neutral expression.
“Where exactly are we going?” England asked.
Austria raised an eyebrow. “I do believe Russia was quite clear on that account.”
“Yes, I know where we’re going,” England snapped, “but why the bloody hell are we going this way?”
Hungary frowned thoughtfully. “You know, that’s true,” she said. “He picked up France and England first, but then went back east and picked up everyone else.”
Prussia snorted. “Who the hell goes west just to go back east? That is so not awesome!” He quickly ducked as Hungary swung with her frying pan again, only he overcompensated and ended up falling over on top of Romano, who gave a bloody roar and tackled the “fucking potato bastard’s fucking idiot brother” to the ground. Veneziano gave a weak protest of, “Ve, Fratellone, be nice to Prussia!” that went completely ignored.
Germany turned to the Baltics questioningly.
Lithuania sighed again. “It’s another silly reason.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ve heard worse,” Germany deadpanned, though his eyes strayed momentarily to his brother and the ongoing bitchfight on the ground.
Estonia looked around at the ceiling nervously. “Latvia,” he muttered, “you tell them.”
Latvia squeaked. “W-why me?”
“She’s least likely to notice you!”
“Fine!” The small nation glanced around, shuddering like a leaf in a breeze. Finally, he whispered, “I-it’s because the writer f-f-felt like it.”
Everyone in the trailer, even Prussia and Romano, immediately flinched, covering their heads with their hands. Nothing happened.
“You know someone’s going to pay for that eventually,” Romano hissed.
“What do we do?” Veneziano cried. “Something horrible could happen!”
France patted him on the back “Ah, do not worry, little Italy! You and your uncouth older brother are safe from harm. She likes you two after all!” His other hand patted Germany. “You are, of course, safe as well,” he said with a wink. “She would never leave dear Italy heartbroken!”
Germany batted France’s hand away (it had been straying a little too low for his comfort). “She ships FACE, so you and England are safe as well. As are America and…” He thought for a moment. “The C in FACE. Whoever it is.”
“I’m definitely safe because I’m awesome!” Prussia declared. “Plus, I’m her favorite character! Ha!”
Hungary idly swung her frying pan at him. “Yes, it’s rather a pity,” she sighed. “Well, she thinks I’m badass, so I should be alright.”
Austria nodded. “And she likes classical music, and her violin is vaguely named after me, so I believe I am safe as well.”
“Ah, I see.” England sat back, perfectly content with this answer. Everyone else was left extremely confused. The writerteoiujuhgasdluetiopsmashed her face against the keyboard as she was left to repair the shattered fourth wall.
“Who the hell goes west just to go back east? That is so not awesome!” You're one to talk...East. Haha Good luck rebuilding that fourth wall. How's that truck going to get over water to get to America?
I am laughing so hard that I have fallen to the floor, started crying, and, up till about five seconds ago, had progressed to that laughing-silently-oh-god-need-to-breathe-but-can't-stop-laughing stage. Anon, I love you and your brain and the hammer/rose/fryingpanspace, and the debry of the fourth wall and the fact that England just rolls (haha) with everything and France and their reasons for nothing happening to them and asdfghl, I love you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
RAPETRUCK, DA! [2/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 04:55 am (UTC)(link)Enlgnad decided that he was most likely drunk. Well, no, that couldn’t be right! It was only (here, he had to glance at the grandfather clock, the face of which had separated completely from the body. The hands were still pointing to the right places at any rate) two in the afternoon! He couldn’t possibly be this sloshed yet. Perhaps the fae had slipped hallucinogens in his tea again. Still, he thought as he eyed the scarfed hood ornament, it was certainly one of his more creative hallucinations.
“Hello, Russia,” he greeted calmly. “And might I ask why you are a truck?”
“I AM A RAPETRUCK, AND I AM GOING TO AMERICA, DA!”
England nodded. After all, hallucinogenically it made perfect sense. “Sounds lovely. Could you back out of my living room if you don’t mind? I’m having tea.”
“WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME WITH ME, DA!”
Hmm. It seemed that trucks didn’t have the ability to inflect questions as questions. Or maybe it was just a Russian thing.
“…why are you saying ‘yes’ at the end of every sentence?”
Russia looked confused. Well, as much as a truck could look confused. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, DA!”
Again with the nonexistent question marks, England’s thoughts groused. Really, and America butchered his language enough. But that was a rational thought. He wasn’t supposed to be having rational thoughts right now.
“Ah, never mind. Where do I sit?”
“IN THE BACK, DA!” The trailer door burst open. “HURRY UP, WE MUST BE GOING, DA!”
Well, England thought as he climbed in, greeting the Baltics and making a rude hand gesture at France, it certainly gave a whole new meaning to the idea of becoming one with Russia.
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [2/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 05:16 am (UTC)(link)writer!anon
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 05:20 am (UTC)(link)Don't worry, anon
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 05:22 am (UTC)(link)Re: Don't worry, anon
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 07:29 am (UTC)(link)omgImlolingsohardicantbreathbuteveryoneisasleepdasoIcantwakethemupandIloveyousomuchithurtsbutIthinkthatsjustthecronicgigglesthishasgivenme!
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [2/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 05:34 am (UTC)(link)omg I love this and blame his trunkyness on the demon part of him!
OP Again~~
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 06:40 am (UTC)(link)Though.. I must ask... Are you going to throw in the other Soviets? :D If not, it's totally cool, just curious~
I love the caps whenever Russia talks... xDD
writer!anon
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 07:24 am (UTC)(link)Fear not, other Soviet nations shall make an appearance!
ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 12:30 pm (UTC)(link)I don't have words to do this justice. Just. PFFFFFFFF. I love you. And Russia's neverending stream of 'da's xDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
that's totally the way I imagine France around his home, stark naked and sipping wineXD(and the fact he puts on the rose consciously not to alarm otherswith his beauty)And the back door=anatomy partXD
(Really, France thought, if he was going to insert random Russian, he might as well just speak Russian! He could understand Russian.)
THANK YOU FOR THAT!! I don't know why the hell people think the nations "can barely speak" any language. They are immortal. Hell, even America, as young as he is, has had enough time to learn all languages in the world. But making France not know any European language is an idiocy only topped by the MUCH MORE FREQUENT AND ENDLESSLY STUPIDITY OF ENGLAND NOT KNOWING FRENCH. Ugh. So thank you for making fun of that <3
Re: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 12:49 pm (UTC)(link)Re: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) 2010-09-15 04:30 pm (UTC)(link)I wish, but sadly, in some (read: many) fics, England/America really doesn't know French. Like, in some cases of emergency (i.e. war, accident), they must have Canada translate for them ;_;. I've never read any fic with France not knowning English (except one AU), but well, the fics are all written in English so it's understandable.
Re: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) - 2010-09-16 00:20 (UTC) - ExpandRe: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) - 2010-09-16 01:01 (UTC) - ExpandRe: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) - 2010-09-16 03:08 (UTC) - ExpandRe: ACTUALLY THIS IS THE CRACK FILL TO END ALL CRACKFILLS
(Anonymous) - 2010-09-16 05:04 (UTC) - ExpandRAPETRUCK, DA! [3/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 02:54 am (UTC)(link)Credit goes to one of the anons that commented on the first part for the Transformers idea, though tit's not quite the same :)
France suddenly removed his hand from Estonia’s hip (it had started on his shoulder and had been steadily moving downward). “I have just thought of something.”
England glared at him. Honestly, he thought, why on Earth was France in his hallucination? “What?” he snapped.
“Russia travelled from Paris to London in little over five minutes. This should not be possible.”
This had to be the strangest hallucination ever, England marveled. France was actually being logical about something! He didn’t realize his mind could come up with something that crazy while high. Well, even if anything was possible in a hallucination, he might as well play along. England turned to the Baltics.
Lithuania shifted uncomfortably (though this may have been due more to France’s proximity). “It’s…a really silly reason, actually.”
England raised an eyebrow. “Oh, come now. Spit it out, won’t you?”
Latvia fidgeted. “Well…you know that movie A-America made everyone watch as his n-new plan to save the p-planet?”
France and England both thought back. England asked, “With the turtles?” at the same time France asked, “With the robots?”
“The robot one.”
France stuck his tongue out at England. England tried to punch him in the face but missed and ended up on the ground.
Estonia rolled his eyes at the pair of them. “Anyway, because of that, Russia’s convinced that he’s an ancient alien robot capable of teleportation.”
…
…
“WHAT.”
Lithuania shrugged. “I said it was a silly reason.”
“That makes no sense at all!” England sputtered.
France gestured wildly. “Just because he is convinced of something does not make it–”
“SHH!” France suddenly found three pairs of hands covering his mouth.
Latvia glanced toward the front of the trailer nervously. “D-don’t let him hear that!” he whispered.
“Why the bloody hell not?” England hissed.
“If he starts unbelieving it, it might not be true anymore,” Estonia explained.
“Exactly,” Lithuania whispered. “So imagine if he starts not believing that he’s a truck. Where does that leave us?”
England and France thought about this for a second. Then they promptly shuddered and vowed never to think about it again.
random!anon here~
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 03:24 am (UTC)(link)Why so awesome author!anon? I don't even like bad!fics, but this is just... so win. Brilliant. Best thing I've read all day C:
LOLing!anon is going to be stalking this fill nao.
And da Russia, we know you know the Russian word for yes. @_@
ReCaptcha says matter hossen. No, I don't think Germany and Prussia are there~
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [3/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 03:26 am (UTC)(link)writer!anon
(Anonymous) 2010-09-18 05:52 pm (UTC)(link)like Optimus Prime /shotThere's a few lamps sitting around or something, I think :)OP
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 03:36 am (UTC)(link)Brilliant, simply brilliant. xDD I love how it's just progressively making less and less sense to anyone~ Poor Baltics!
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [3/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 04:56 am (UTC)(link)Oh my. :O
This whole fill is excellent~ xD
More please o_o
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [3/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 05:24 am (UTC)(link)Oh, Lithuania. No one's craziness has an effect on him anymore, does it? Poor dear.
This is possibly kinda maybe one of the best things ever~
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [3/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-17 02:45 pm (UTC)(link)Where to next, author!anon? Who's the next victim to be
kidnappedabductedescorted to America's house?RAPETRUCK, DA! [4/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-18 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)Five minutes later, they were joined by a bemused Germany and a guffawing Prussia.
Five minutes after that, a gleeful Hungary came in, dragging a reluctant Austria along with her, who was promptly tackled by Prussia. He was then hit by Hungary’s magically appearing frying pan (which came from the same breed of objects as France’s rose
which is still censoring him, by the way).Five more minutes later, North and South Italy had wandered in. Veneziano had immediately latched onto Germany’s arm and started chattering his ear off while Romano had immediately started bellowing about potato bastards and the lack of morals that came with them. Germany endured all of this with a neutral expression.
“Where exactly are we going?” England asked.
Austria raised an eyebrow. “I do believe Russia was quite clear on that account.”
“Yes, I know where we’re going,” England snapped, “but why the bloody hell are we going this way?”
Hungary frowned thoughtfully. “You know, that’s true,” she said. “He picked up France and England first, but then went back east and picked up everyone else.”
Prussia snorted. “Who the hell goes west just to go back east? That is so not awesome!” He quickly ducked as Hungary swung with her frying pan again, only he overcompensated and ended up falling over on top of Romano, who gave a bloody roar and tackled the “fucking potato bastard’s fucking idiot brother” to the ground. Veneziano gave a weak protest of, “Ve, Fratellone, be nice to Prussia!” that went completely ignored.
Germany turned to the Baltics questioningly.
Lithuania sighed again. “It’s another silly reason.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ve heard worse,” Germany deadpanned, though his eyes strayed momentarily to his brother and the ongoing bitchfight on the ground.
Estonia looked around at the ceiling nervously. “Latvia,” he muttered, “you tell them.”
Latvia squeaked. “W-why me?”
“She’s least likely to notice you!”
“Fine!” The small nation glanced around, shuddering like a leaf in a breeze. Finally, he whispered, “I-it’s because the writer f-f-felt like it.”
Everyone in the trailer, even Prussia and Romano, immediately flinched, covering their heads with their hands. Nothing happened.
“You know someone’s going to pay for that eventually,” Romano hissed.
“What do we do?” Veneziano cried. “Something horrible could happen!”
France patted him on the back “Ah, do not worry, little Italy! You and your uncouth older brother are safe from harm. She likes you two after all!” His other hand patted Germany. “You are, of course, safe as well,” he said with a wink. “She would never leave dear Italy heartbroken!”
Germany batted France’s hand away (it had been straying a little too low for his comfort). “She ships FACE, so you and England are safe as well. As are America and…” He thought for a moment. “The C in FACE. Whoever it is.”
“I’m definitely safe because I’m awesome!” Prussia declared. “Plus, I’m her favorite character! Ha!”
Hungary idly swung her frying pan at him. “Yes, it’s rather a pity,” she sighed. “Well, she thinks I’m badass, so I should be alright.”
Austria nodded. “And she likes classical music, and her violin is vaguely named after me, so I believe I am safe as well.”
They all looked at the Baltics.
Lithuania shrugged. “She likes LietPol. I’m good.”
“Whereas she doesn’t understand us two at all,” Estonia sighed, gesturing to Latvia and himself. “Really, it’s a wonder we’re even here.”
“She p-probably doesn’t c-care enough about us to d-do something to us,” Latvia muttered.
The trailer was silent for a few minutes.
England was the first to speak up. “I have another question.”
Estonia rolled his eyes. “What now?”
“It should be a lot more crowded in here, I think.”
“Oh,” Lithuania sighed. “Undetectable Extension Charm.”
“Ah, I see.” England sat back, perfectly content with this answer. Everyone else was left extremely confused. The writerteoiujuhgasdluetiopsmashed her face against the keyboard as she was left to repair the shattered fourth wall.
...yeah, I don't even know anymore...
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [4/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-18 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)And the asians, THEY ARE NOT SAFE. run asians, rub while you still can.
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [4/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-18 11:00 pm (UTC)(link)Haha Good luck rebuilding that fourth wall. How's that truck going to get over water to get to America?
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [4/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-20 06:32 am (UTC)(link)“Ah, I see.” England sat back, perfectly content with this answer. Everyone else was left extremely confused.
This. Moar please! Only Arthur would get that. Wow. Updaaaaaate soon!
Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [4/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-22 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)Re: RAPETRUCK, DA! [4/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-10-29 02:01 pm (UTC)(link)10,000th comment to Part 14!! \o/
(Anonymous) - 2010-12-04 06:20 (UTC) - Expand