hetalia_kink | Hetalia Kink meme part 15

“Why dontcha how us yer tits!”

“Australia!” she roars, turning around to shout at him. “That is entirely inappropriate. We are in good company!”

He mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “Yes Mum,” into his drink, but quiets down. He’s still grinning like a man in a strip club.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” Quentin Bryce says airily. “You get used to it. You know what I think? You need to show him who’s boss, if you know what I mean. Be an assertive woman.”

“I bet he’s not used to them,” Gillard remarks drily.

“I think he likes it. You know. Being ordered around a little. He doesn't get much of it." They pause, and Quentins sips at her tea again. "He did call me a Pommie Bitch too British for me own good. Once.”

She sounds almost wistful.

Over her shoulder Australia gives a good-natured laugh like the crowing of a kookaburra. “Hey, boss! Wanna go talk about domestic policy?” And finally the Prime Minister of Australia’s had enough.

In a few quick strides she’s crossed the room and standing level with her country; she grabs the beer from his grip and pushes out her chest, trapping him against the window frame.

“Australia,” she stresses in a low voice. “Are you really that sexually deprived? I thought you’d be rooting Kiwi-land or something at the very least.”

He swallows and seems struck a little dumb. He’s also staring at her breasts, she notices. “Well, Zea’s orright but he’s no woman, yer know what I’m sayin’?” he says a little shakily.

“So you translate sexual frustration into bogan nicknames. Charming,” But she smiles anyway, because she should have expected it. “If you'd wanted to be dominated, you should have just told us. See these?” She very deliberately indicates her breasts. “If you don’t learn some manners and apply yourself to raising the unemployment rate, and fast, you’re not going to be getting any of this any time soon. Got that mister?”

He nods quickly and shuffles out of the room, sliding along the walls, blushing wildly.

Julia Gillard sits back down and takes a swig from the rest of the beer. It’s not half bad.

Quentin raises an eyebrow. “You’re not really going to-“

“Oh of course not. I’m very happy with my own partner thank you very much.”

-

“Zhongguo?”

It’s odd for the door to be closed, thinks President Hu Jin Tao; China was usually one to keep his office open. Puzzled, the Leader of the Democratic Republic of China strains to hear the voice of his nation through the door.

“-suffered, but I loved it, aru…oh, anything…a-I’d do anything- your humble servant, to the contradi- nngh-“

He waits again, then, growing impatient, calls out one last time, “Yao, I am coming in to discuss the next meeting-“

He sees the entire scene in a moment. In the half light of the doorway, China crouched over the side of desk, pants down, vital regions thankfully covered by his desk chair, holding a very familiar portrait beforehim and gazing at it adoringly with a glazed, flushed expression, hand moving-

By the Gods, thinks Jin Tao in a flash. That’s Mao Zedong-

Then China shrieks loud enough to scare the diplomatic aides shitless three floors away. “AIYA! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

Hu doesn’t have time to see or think anything else, because something soft collides forcefully with his face and he stumbles back through the doorway, and then the door’s slammed in his face.

He’s dazed. He’s so dazed by the impact (mental and physical, some part of his mind notes wryly) that it takes sometime to recognise the shape of the object on the floor.

“Yao,” he observes numbly through the door between them. “Do you want your Hello Kitty pillow back?”

“NO!”

“I…I’m sorry, I…I’m not even sure what’s-“

“KNOCK NEXT TIME, ARU!” China screams, mortified, through the door.

Speechless, taken aback, Hu has to stare at the closed door before he can bring himself to walk away back into his own office to try and think what it all means. He barely sleeps that night, but by the time the sun rises the next day, Hu has grappled himself to a decision.

“Err. My nation,” he asks the next time they see each other at the party meeting, and with a great deal of trepidation. He places the Hello Kitty pillow back on the table as a good will gesture.

China looks at it warily, then back at him. The Secretary for Political and Legislative Affairs and the Premier are also looking at him oddly, but Hu tries to ignore that.

He clears his throat. “As you know, I have always advocated the ideals of Peaceful development for China. However, in the light…well, knowing that you are, in effect, the personification of the Chinese people, what you want would mean what the people want- Does this mean you would prefer it if I…took a more- a more assertive position in my leader-”

Yao cuts him off violently, slamming the table and bursting into full voice. “AAAAAAH! Aiya! NO! NEVER! That never happened! It never happened! And you can look at me with those suspicious eyes all you want, Xiaozi, but you shouldn’t judge an old man until you know what sort of things Riben does with his Prime Ministers! So let’s just forget everything about this, alright?!”

No one says anything. The only sound in the meeting room is Yao’s exasperated breathing.

He eventually sits back down.

The Propaganda Minister coughs.

“Well,” says Wen Jiao Bao, shuffling his papers. “Now that that’s resolved, we still have to talk about trade links with America.”

“What never happened?” whispers Li Changchun under his breath.

“None of your Goddamn business,” retorts Hu, blushing furiously.

-

The results of the mid-term elections take him by surprise. Not entirely by surprise- even Barack had known things weren’t looking great- but he hadn’t expected such a backlash from mild mannered, ever-cheerful America. Which was why the Leader of the Free World was now knocking on Alfred’s bedroom door, frantically calling his name and asking to talk about his feelings.

“Alfred! Alfred, I thought you loved me!”

America sighs from the other side of his bedroom door. “I used to, boss, but now- now I’m not so sure. I mean-“

“Was it all those love letters I didn’t reply to? The poetry? Because I… I loved all of them, Alfred, and I swear I didn’t throw them out- the staff just went right ahead and did that without my permission-“

Good Lord, was the child playing Secondhand Serenade on his speakers?

“...Sarah,” America says louder, then hesitates. “Sarah would look after me better. Make me feel more wanted-“

“Oh, leave Palin out of this already, Alfred! The woman’s not even running for president!”

“That doesn’t change anything!” Alfred mutters, sullen. “Doesn’t change anything at all.”

“America,” says Obama seriously into the wood. “I was wrong to take your feelings for granted. But you know what I’m never going to do, kid? I’m never going to give you up. I promise I won’t let you down again.”

And, miracle of miracles, the door creaks ajar. Through the one-inch window of doorway America’s wary face is visible. Barack smiles.

“You’re never gonna run around and desert me?” America asks in a quiet voice.

“No,” Obama affirms.

“Never gonna make me cry?”

“Well…no.”

Narrowing his eyebrows a little and scrutinising him behind his glasses, Alfred asks, “Never gonna say goodbye?”

“Ok, I’m sorry Alfred, I lost you there. Is this meant to be some sort of a young, hip thing?”

The door slams shut again, and through the keyhole Barack can hear him wail. “That was solid. I totally set you up and you couldn’t even do a Rick Astley? Not cool man. Not cool. I’m not coming out of here until you figure out what I’m about!”

Barack Obama sighs and rests his head back against the wall as if searching for answers on the ceiling. America… America was difficult. He hated doing it, but Barack supposed it was time to call in the big guns.

“Alfred.” He clears his throat and rises to his full height. “The United States of America. How am I going to take you out and treat you to McDonalds if you don’t open this door?”

“…” Not half a second later the door creeps sheepishly open again. “Four Happy Meals? And the toys?”

Obama nods and breathes a sigh of relief.

“I’m still angry with you,” America adds through his food, as they sit in a booth at and share a burger or six.

“I’ll try to make it better,” Obama offers, and Alfred snorts good-naturedly into his Coke.

-

“Uh, fratello?”

No answer.

“Fratello, do you have a stomach ache? Is something wrong?” Remembering something, Feliciano stiffens and jumps forward to shake Romano’s arm. “It’s not the markets again, is it? Don’t let it be the markets, because Germania told me off about irresponsible state spending already and I had to stay in his office for hours and it smelled like wurst and dog and a little bit like sex- I wonder why?- and he didn’t even like it when I commented on the really pretty picture of his dogs he has on his desk and he just hit me with all these tariffs and-“

Romano lifts his head from his hands and points to the photo accompanying a lengthy article, with all the gravity of a man predicting the coming apocalypse.

“Oh!” chirps North Italy. “Silvio’s in the newspaper again!”

Lovino makes a frustrated whine like a dog being trod on.

“But you thought it was funny when he tried to scare Merkel by jumping out from behind that pillar, didn’t you? What is it this time?” He cranes his neck to see.

“He insulted the gays,” Romano moans. “Again. As if he needed to screw over more minority groups- they already hate me-“

Feliciano reads for a while and then shrugs, stepping across the kitchen to the pantry. “Ve~ That’s funny,” he muses innocently. “I like pretty women too! But he didn’t seem opposed to gays when he was talking to me last week!”

Romano’s stomach falls. “What?” he asks though the bad feeling creeping up his throat.

“Oh- but I was in a dress, so maybe he thought I was a girl-“

“What. The. Fuck?”

Feliciano turns with an amused look. “Oh, I was doing some cleaning, so I put on my dress and apron, and I forgot that Silvio was going to come over and talk about the media, so-“ Lovino was going to kill Austria and Spain for their childhoods. He honestly was. “- and he called me really pretty, and he invited me to this party he was going to have- maybe he didn’t recognise me!”

And North Italy laughs, clapping his hands together.

Romano stares, unable to wash his mind of the horrible, horrible thought.

“But he’s not a bad person, is he? I mean, he didn’t mean that time he said Italian women deserved to be raped. He just meant they’re all so beautiful it’s no wonder they do-”

That’s the last straw. South Italy’s going to ring his famiglia, arrange a bodyguard for his idiot brother and burn every last dress they had stored away. And then probably hire a hit man to cut off his boss’ balls. But it would never work, he reminds himself with an angry sob- Berlusconi probably controls half the dons in Sicily anyway-

“And he brought pizza to the Finnish! Oh, but Tino wasn’t very happy with us about him hitting on his Prime Minister, but hey- reindeer prosciutto!”

“Merciful God, why?” cries South Italy between his teeth as he beats his forehead on the kitchen table. “Why can’t I just have a normal leader and a normal brother and a normal life? What sins have I done to deserve this, God?”

Letting out a cry, Feliciano leaps immediately to his side and tries to pull him into a cool-down hug.

“It could be worse!” he tells him as cheerily as he can. “At least we don’t fight with him! I mean, I was at Germania’s house the other week and he must have been having this huge fight with his boss in his office because I heard shouting and groaning and banging and then Ludwig kept yelling “Eurozone financial reform”, and Prussia was swearing so much-“

Feliciano pauses and peers closer at his brother’s face.

“Oh, Fratello, you are sick! You look like you’re going to vomit!”

-

BRAIN BLEACH WHERE IS IIIIIIIIIIIT-

Angela Merkel, also known as the "Iron Frau", is Germany's first female Chancellor and one of the most powerful women in the world. Entering office in 2005, she has maintained a comfortable majority in a CDU coalition government (the last elections were a little shaky, but it's still good). She lived as a girl in Communist East Prussia and grew up a member of the Freie Deutsche Jugend Youth movement. She studied Physics, speaks Russian fluently, and recieved her doctorate for her thesis on quantum Chemistry. (~~OH HAI GERMANYXMERKELXPRUSSIA OT3~~ At any rate, a remarkable woman, in both her successes and her German-ness.

I don't even think President Barack Obama needs an introduction, but hey! He assumed office in 2009, after winning in a landslide victory over George W Bush, and became America's First black President. A native of Hawaii, Nobel laureate, with relatives in Kenya and Kansas, Obama shot to international fame and popularity. Recently, his popularity has waned due to lack of patience with slowed progress in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as economic damage and his proposed healthcare bill. He turns 50 this year.

Dimitri/Dmitry Medvedev entered office in 2008, after an 8 year reign of Vladimir Putin. Putin remains as Prime Minister and is active in politics- to the point that some say Medvedev was put in the positition simply because Putin could no longer hold it. He won more than 70% of votes in his election, but this may simply have been due to the fact that he was Putin's chosen successor.

http://www.uncoverage.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Vladimir-Putin_horse.jpg ~~I'd tap that~~

Julia Gillard in 2010 became Australia's first red headed and first female Prime Minister. Ask an Australian and they won't know which part to make more fuss over. At any rate, she seems competant, but was not elected into her position, having internally challenged Kevin Rudd, the then Prime Minister, to a party ballot. Rudd is now demoted to Foreign Minister. She leans left in her policies, but then again, Australians are pretty apathetic in terms of politics, so.

Hu Jintao has been General Secretary of the Communist Party of China since 2002. He is generally considered to be more moderate and careful than some of his older, more conservative party members, and is a great advocate of the Peaceful China Development movement. He has steered China into an unprecidented period of economic and political growth, and is responsible for the BRIC economic meetings and with forging better relations with other developing countries. Married, Hu enjoys table tennis and ballroom dancing.

Silvio Berlusconi. SILVIO BERLUSCONI. WHAT CAN I SAY.
Just read his Wikipedia page. It'll be the funniest thing you've read in ages. ~~And potentially the saddest.~~
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berlusconi

sorry. I just picked the countries that were easiest to pick on. >.>

Oh authoranon~ This was glorious (even though I need to go bleach my brain and pull out my eyes)!

Just...just..all of it :D I can't even choose my favorite part.

omg I kinda want to see this with all the nations...oh god...I want to see this with Canada...woud that even work?

I love this. Oh so funny, Thanks so much!

Well, at least you didn't imply the Italies banged Berlusconi - he was never quite that popular.

And he would def hit on Feli dressed as a woman ~~especially if he looks underage~~...

Let's just say, I needed somebody to help me see the funny side of this whole mess again, and you def helped.

Also Angela Merkel is one lucky girl. Mmmmh. And flippant America! And Russia, I just... And China!

You rule, anon.

SO GOOOOOOOOOOOD

I FUCKING LOVE YOU MAN! I love America for his sheer adorkable-ness. So easily swayed by mickey ds... and Russia drooling over Putin...

I think I might need brain bleach... but I'll be okay... eventually

On another note, China mentioned Riben. Who is he?

It's manderin for Japan.

REQUESTER ANON LOVES THIS!

Merkel totally topping her boys, and America being a moody teenager, and Berlusconi. ZOMG almost his entire Wiki page is charges and scandals.

Germany was the hottest (omg wut o.o|||)
My fav. was America and Russia (omg wrestling polar bears??? pffft wanna see more of this XD) and Italy though X'D

Australia...was hard to understnad so it must've been realistic?

This...how did you make it so epic?!

Thanks to you, anon, I will never be able to not ship LeaderxNation. |3
Thank you, for somehow making my filthy mind even filthier.
BECAUSE THIS WAS PURE AMAZINGNESS. I LOVE HOW-
...
.. Obama..
..And the Russian guy..
..The German-Prussian lady..
AND THAT ITALIAN.
SLFHLASERIYADGUYFEUESCFYTADREY.
You have my neverending love, anon~! <3

"He assumed office in 2009, after winning in a landslide victory over George W Bush, and became America's First black President."

Actually he won over John McCain.

Also my gosh. That kiss between Germany and Prussia was way hot.

This line had me cracking up in the school library:
“And I had no idea my country was so filled with perverts who are aroused by trade legislation and old women.”

Re: Minor Correction

(Anonymous) - 2011-01-20 11:18 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Minor Correction

(Anonymous) - 2011-01-25 20:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Minor Correction

(Anonymous) - 2011-01-25 21:47 (UTC) - Expand

Author!anon, this is pure genius!

I've never before laughed and blushed so much at the same time.

The only thing I can think of is...I'd gladly trade places with Angela Merkel right now!

I cannot REMEMBER the last time I loved a fic this much. *dies*.

..kink meme, waaaaai, waaaaai are you anonymous... authornon, I want you SO BAD. I'm fic-stalking you in my dreams, k?

Oh my god, this is... divinely hilarious. A million internets to you, authoranon.

How did I miss this fill? It is so funny! THANK YOU authornon for writing this, you're super great.

Haha if enough of us love this fill does the personification of Livejournal show up at your doorstep looking for loving?

I'm seriously impressed, good work.

/dies

Epicness. Sheer, utter, glorious EPIC WIN. My grammar is out the window and I don't care.

The only part necessary for brain bleach would probably be China's bit.... oh god, China, you dirty old man- /scrubs frenetically

o_O I nearly had a hernia from the Italies and the freaking RICK ROLL. But the best part was probably the German brothers with Merkel, alternately hot and downright hilarious. I absolutely love Germany getting utterly flustered. xD

OH MEIN GOTT WHAT DID I JUST READ

Kind of sad that because of the time I found this, the situation might be very, VERY different for China and Russia now....especially Russia.....

This was totally, gloriously cracktastically awesome! Although I probably need about five gallons of brain bleach to get rid of everything that just got seared into my head, this was freaking freaking AWESOME. Wish you'd do more of the series, authoranon!

OMGOMGOMGOMGIAMSOINLOVEWITHTHISFIC♥♥♥♥♥

This was...I don't even...I...AWESOME. Simply, truly, wonderfully awesome. ~~and I think I recognize your style ;)~~

My favourite part was by far Merkel's. That would be inappropiately hot, for some reason. I especially liked what kind of things excited the brothers, lol. I'm a bit sad France didn't appear, but at least he got mentioned ~~you know he's banging that sweet Mrs. President ass~~

Obama's affair with America, FUCK YEAH xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

He rode shirtless on a horse, Mr Obama. On a horse!”

“Mmm,” mmms the American President.

This made me lol. Also, Putin's abs are mmmm-worthy, yes. Russia=totally infatuated, and I loved Medvedev's jealousy xDDDDDDDDDD (also the fact that he chose Obama to moan over the injustice xD)

Finally, the entire Italy part was GOLD. Particularly the mention of Silvio's parties XD

God, this is unbelievably fucking funny. Almost as funny as Berlusconi's wikipedia page, but without the feelings of impending despair. OTL Although there was actually less need to link to it than you think, maybe? Even I know who Berlusconi is -- a total buffoon, among other things, yeah? -- so most people have probably heard at least a couple of ... stories. OTL

Poor Obama, having to deal with a wishy-washy country.

Well, I guess it makes sense that no one would have balls big enough to Rick Roll the Leader of the Free World.

I LOVED THIS.

And ohohohoh, Merkel's husband agreed?

(screened comment)

I am aware of this discrepancy. However, I decided in the end to overlook this as I wasn't QUITE able to get my head around HuJintao/Yao and what that would mean for the rest of the world. ^^;

Thanks a lot of the heads up; I'll keep it in mind for next time. :) (~~THERE'S GOING TO BE A NEXT TIME?~~)

Hetalia Kink meme part 15

Internal Affairs (3/5)

Internal Affairs (4/5)

Internal Affairs (5/5)

author's note

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

random!anon

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Minor Correction

Re: Minor Correction

Re: Minor Correction

Re: Minor Correction

Re: author's note

I have no words...

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Re: author's note

Basically, I love you <3

Dumb comment is dumb

Re: Internal Affairs (5/5)

Re: Internal Affairs (5/5)

Re: Internal Affairs (5/5)