"And that's just it! I mean, s-sometimes I feel like you don't even care! I mean, I might as well not even be here sometimes, I guess. I mean, you don't even let me do the beating when we go up to the pole and stuff. I just hold the camera and make you look good!"
"Ah, Caveman - you can't be serious! I thought you liked that."
"No, of course I don't! And that's another thing, too! I hate my name, it's like, I'm not even important or anything! At least with "Captain" something you sound almost half-menacing or something. I'm just a "Caveman!" That's horrible - I'm not even that unkempt or tall - you're taller than me, and my hair is only slightly longer!"
"...Well, it was better than your idea...."
"Don't insult the name Fabio like that! I think it's very villainous, and it ensures that all the lady superheroes would be too busy swooning over me to hurt us or anything! They would even agree with our animal clubbing ways!"
"...Caveman."
"Yes, Captain Club?"
"You do know that there... ah, aren't any lady superheroes of which you speak."
"...Oh. Uhm... right. But that's not the point!"
...Though, if they didn't stop the smalltalk in about three seconds, Ludwig was going unleash his deadliest, non-dog-related power - the scary stare. Probably wouldn't work with these types of people, but hey. He could always try and hope for the best - though, he reasoned it would be rather hard with the leader of the duo still pointing that God-forsaken flashlight in his face.
Maybe the best course of action was to just sit and wait. No use trying to talk to them when they were so involved in their own affairs, anyway. It would just complicate matters.
However, just as our hero had resolved to just sit back and wait for his opportunity to shout rather mean, short things at the pair when it was deemed situationally acceptable, he felt his belt vibrate excessively - meaning one of two things. One, he had just gotten a text message detailing that the boss wanted him at work three hours ago even though he wasn't scheduled for it, and he was now fired - or two, Gilbert had figured out his "friend's" (and he used that with the downright loosest meaning of the word) predicament, and was going to attempt to be useful for once.
He hoped to God it was the first one.
"Hey dudes, look, I like listening to whatever's going on here, I really do, but can we get to the point already? I'm dying over here, and these ropes are cuttin' into my skin real bad." It came from a device on Ludwig's belt - a tiny little transmitter with little to no "tinny" problems with the sound. The accent was basically identical to Ludwig's own, but the speech pattern? Farther off than anything the hero had ever heard.
However, the villainous duo in front of him didn't seem to catch that, and seemed reasonably surprised.
"Captain Canine! You can... talk... with your mouth... closed?" Caveman tried to reason, vexed out of coherent, unchoppy sentences with actual flow.
"Well, duh! I mean, have you guys ever looked at a dog before? They can say everything without even opening their mouths." The machine on Ludwig's belt said sensibly.
"Nyet, I'm pretty sure that's not exactly same thing."
"Yeah, and dogs can bark, right? That's like talking for them. The other stuff is, uhm, body language."
"Da. And humans have body language too, so I don't think it's entirely a canine thing, Captain."
"Shows how much you losers know! God, have you ever even seen 'Up!'?"
"Oh yeah, I love that movie!" Caveman exclaimed, clapping his hands together and smiling, feeling good because he could finally see where this discussion was going.
"And the dogs in that movie didn't need to open their mouths to speak, right? Same principle. I mean, you saw more with their body language, and then they barked and stuff when they felt like it. Totally the same thing."
"Nyet nyet nyet - they had, those... ah, how you say... radio transmitter things. Not the same."
"Naaah, you're just not looking at it the right way. Totally the same. Besides, I'm human, so I don't have to use the transmitter. It just comes out due to my, uhm, superior genetic make-up."
"...I guess that makes sense." Caveman reasoned with a shrug, "Da. I suppose...."
"Right! Now that we're all agreed on it, I have a very simple solution to all of our problems. Captain Club, you need to treat Caveman like a person and let him help with evil stuff. Caveman, realize that Fabio is a terrible name for anyone, super-something or not, and just drop it."
"...Da." "Yeah, I guess...."
"Good. Now hug and make-up...."
The villain and his sidekick looked at each other warily, shrugged, and then hugged in a typical bromantic way with a lot of back slapping.
This ended up hurting Caveman quite a bit and the next three minutes were full of embarrassing apologies.
Ludwig waited patiently throughout this entire ordeal, and honestly hadn't moved a muscle since it started. He wasn't going to thank that stupid totally-was-a-sidekick-even-if-he-denied-it-venomously of his for this, but it was probably for the best if he just went along with it. Besides, it seemed to be working pretty well.
"All better, guys?" The transmitter said lazily, and one could almost see the smirk on Gilbert's face.
"Y-yeah. Sorry, Captain Club. I won't, uhm, bring this up again." "Good." "...y-yeah."
"This is awesome guys. Anyways, now that we're all friends, how about you let me go for today? I mean, I have other villains to be captured by, damsels to save, kittens to save from trees...."
"I thought dogs hated cats."
"Well, I only save them so I can chase 'em around the yard a few times."
"...That makes sense."
"Da." Said Captain Club, who was always at loath to be left out of his own conversations.
"Anyways, can I, uhm, rip these bonds off and go?"
"You can do that?"
"Uhm, yeah. I am the great Captain Canine."
"Erm... sure."
Ludwig cursed mentally - stupid Gilbert and his love of making him do things for no reason - but without further prompt he undid the knot holding his hands together with relative ease, stood up, and made toward the door.
"Ah, Captain Canine - same time next week, da?"
"Yeah, whatever." He replied, opening the door with a shrug.
"Wonderful. Caveman, we'll have to secure some extra pictures by then."
"Yeah! I think Wednesday would be a great day to do it."
"Da. How about it, Captain Canine?"
"...Yeah, sounds good to me."
"Now don't try and stop us or anything!" Captain Club said with a nasty look in his eyes.
"Yeah, or else we'll, uhm...."
"Club you instead of the defenseless, harmless, adorable baby seals."
"Yeah! Which you wouldn't like."
"Da, so don't follow us or anything!"
"Right." Muttered Ludwig as a response, slowly adding under his breath, "Attention whores."
First time author!anon hopes that this is starting somewhat well. ;; I've been having a lot of fun with this prompt so far, if you can't tell.
Italy's going to turn up later, so don't fret. Juuust wanted to get some set-up before we jumped into Germany's exciting full-time job as a telemarketer. 8U
Thanks so much. ;w; you honestly have no idea how warm and tingly that made author!anon.
Anyways, I'm also a silly-head, so thanks for pointing that out! Posted on it, and hoping I did it right. ;;; having waaaay too much fun writing this, so expect some updates soon.
So cute! The kink meme needs more adorable, funny, well-written superhero AUs like this. My favorite part was how hilariously fail Captain Club and Caveman were. I am such a sucker for awful villains. XD
My favorite line was:
"Captain Canine! You can... talk... with your mouth... closed?" Caveman tried to reason, vexed out of coherent, unchoppy sentences with actual flow.
Although I really loved so much of this! All of your dialouge was great, and your characterization was lulzy but spot on. And oh man, that last line... total win. I adore you, authoranon!
Zomfg. I really want to hug you now, because that was amazing. I can't stop smiling now! And pfft on everyone's secret identities. That is sheer win. And Ludwig is completely awesome. As is Gilbert. Please keep going!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1b/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-29 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)"Ah, Caveman - you can't be serious! I thought you liked that."
"No, of course I don't! And that's another thing, too! I hate my name, it's like, I'm not even important or anything! At least with "Captain" something you sound almost half-menacing or something. I'm just a "Caveman!" That's horrible - I'm not even that unkempt or tall - you're taller than me, and my hair is only slightly longer!"
"...Well, it was better than your idea...."
"Don't insult the name Fabio like that! I think it's very villainous, and it ensures that all the lady superheroes would be too busy swooning over me to hurt us or anything! They would even agree with our animal clubbing ways!"
"...Caveman."
"Yes, Captain Club?"
"You do know that there... ah, aren't any lady superheroes of which you speak."
"...Oh. Uhm... right. But that's not the point!"
...Though, if they didn't stop the smalltalk in about three seconds, Ludwig was going unleash his deadliest, non-dog-related power - the scary stare.
Probably wouldn't work with these types of people, but hey. He could always try and hope for the best - though, he reasoned it would be rather hard with the leader of the duo still pointing that God-forsaken flashlight in his face.
Maybe the best course of action was to just sit and wait. No use trying to talk to them when they were so involved in their own affairs, anyway. It would just complicate matters.
However, just as our hero had resolved to just sit back and wait for his opportunity to shout rather mean, short things at the pair when it was deemed situationally acceptable, he felt his belt vibrate excessively - meaning one of two things. One, he had just gotten a text message detailing that the boss wanted him at work three hours ago even though he wasn't scheduled for it, and he was now fired - or two, Gilbert had figured out his "friend's" (and he used that with the downright loosest meaning of the word) predicament, and was going to attempt to be useful for once.
He hoped to God it was the first one.
"Hey dudes, look, I like listening to whatever's going on here, I really do, but can we get to the point already? I'm dying over here, and these ropes are cuttin' into my skin real bad."
It came from a device on Ludwig's belt - a tiny little transmitter with little to no "tinny" problems with the sound. The accent was basically identical to Ludwig's own, but the speech pattern? Farther off than anything the hero had ever heard.
However, the villainous duo in front of him didn't seem to catch that, and seemed reasonably surprised.
"Captain Canine! You can... talk... with your mouth... closed?" Caveman tried to reason, vexed out of coherent, unchoppy sentences with actual flow.
"Well, duh! I mean, have you guys ever looked at a dog before? They can say everything without even opening their mouths." The machine on Ludwig's belt said sensibly.
"Nyet, I'm pretty sure that's not exactly same thing."
"Yeah, and dogs can bark, right? That's like talking for them. The other stuff is, uhm, body language."
"Da. And humans have body language too, so I don't think it's entirely a canine thing, Captain."
"Shows how much you losers know! God, have you ever even seen 'Up!'?"
"Oh yeah, I love that movie!" Caveman exclaimed, clapping his hands together and smiling, feeling good because he could finally see where this discussion was going.
"And the dogs in that movie didn't need to open their mouths to speak, right? Same principle. I mean, you saw more with their body language, and then they barked and stuff when they felt like it. Totally the same thing."
"Nyet nyet nyet - they had, those... ah, how you say... radio transmitter things. Not the same."
The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-29 06:38 pm (UTC)(link)"...I guess that makes sense." Caveman reasoned with a shrug,
"Da. I suppose...."
"Right! Now that we're all agreed on it, I have a very simple solution to all of our problems. Captain Club, you need to treat Caveman like a person and let him help with evil stuff. Caveman, realize that Fabio is a terrible name for anyone, super-something or not, and just drop it."
"...Da."
"Yeah, I guess...."
"Good. Now hug and make-up...."
The villain and his sidekick looked at each other warily, shrugged, and then hugged in a typical bromantic way with a lot of back slapping.
This ended up hurting Caveman quite a bit and the next three minutes were full of embarrassing apologies.
Ludwig waited patiently throughout this entire ordeal, and honestly hadn't moved a muscle since it started. He wasn't going to thank that stupid totally-was-a-sidekick-even-if-he-denied-it-venomously of his for this, but it was probably for the best if he just went along with it. Besides, it seemed to be working pretty well.
"All better, guys?" The transmitter said lazily, and one could almost see the smirk on Gilbert's face.
"Y-yeah. Sorry, Captain Club. I won't, uhm, bring this up again."
"Good."
"...y-yeah."
"This is awesome guys. Anyways, now that we're all friends, how about you let me go for today? I mean, I have other villains to be captured by, damsels to save, kittens to save from trees...."
"I thought dogs hated cats."
"Well, I only save them so I can chase 'em around the yard a few times."
"...That makes sense."
"Da." Said Captain Club, who was always at loath to be left out of his own conversations.
"Anyways, can I, uhm, rip these bonds off and go?"
"You can do that?"
"Uhm, yeah. I am the great Captain Canine."
"Erm... sure."
Ludwig cursed mentally - stupid Gilbert and his love of making him do things for no reason - but without further prompt he undid the knot holding his hands together with relative ease, stood up, and made toward the door.
"Ah, Captain Canine - same time next week, da?"
"Yeah, whatever." He replied, opening the door with a shrug.
"Wonderful. Caveman, we'll have to secure some extra pictures by then."
"Yeah! I think Wednesday would be a great day to do it."
"Da. How about it, Captain Canine?"
"...Yeah, sounds good to me."
"Now don't try and stop us or anything!" Captain Club said with a nasty look in his eyes.
"Yeah, or else we'll, uhm...."
"Club you instead of the defenseless, harmless, adorable baby seals."
"Yeah! Which you wouldn't like."
"Da, so don't follow us or anything!"
"Right." Muttered Ludwig as a response, slowly adding under his breath,
"Attention whores."
First time author!anon hopes that this is starting somewhat well. ;; I've been having a lot of fun with this prompt so far, if you can't tell.
Italy's going to turn up later, so don't fret. Juuust wanted to get some set-up before we jumped into Germany's exciting full-time job as a telemarketer. 8U
Re: The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-30 12:26 am (UTC)(link)that was amazing. so much to comment on, too much laughing to be able to do so XDD
captain canine. CANINE.
and captain CLUB.
and caveman. Oh, god.
XDD (and england. oh, arthur...)
i can't wait to see where this is going, but you forgot to put this into the fill-list, did you?
the new one is here: http://hetalia-kink.livejournal.com/18224.html
Re: The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-30 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)you honestly have no idea how warm and tingly that made author!anon.
Anyways, I'm also a silly-head, so thanks for pointing that out! Posted on it, and hoping I did it right. ;;;
having waaaay too much fun writing this, so expect some updates soon.
Re: The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-30 09:59 pm (UTC)(link)My favorite line was:
"Captain Canine! You can... talk... with your mouth... closed?" Caveman tried to reason, vexed out of coherent, unchoppy sentences with actual flow.
Although I really loved so much of this! All of your dialouge was great, and your characterization was lulzy but spot on. And oh man, that last line... total win. I adore you, authoranon!
Re: The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-09-30 10:00 pm (UTC)(link)And pfft on everyone's secret identities. That is sheer win. And Ludwig is completely awesome. As is Gilbert.
Please keep going!
Re: The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-10-01 07:27 am (UTC)(link)Anon, I love this. I love Ludwig's tone. I also think that I love you.
Re: The Super Adventures of Captain Canine [1c/?]
(Anonymous) 2010-10-01 02:44 pm (UTC)(link)I am so amused by this author!anon!!!!
Ludwig you shouldn’t take your enemies so easily, they are SUPER mean!!!
I can’t wait for Feliciano’s appearance, and then it will be so awesome!!!