Alfred’s voice choked up at that moment, though it was probably fortunate for him. They stared at each other in shock, neither believing what had been said. Slowly, Arthur shrugged and shook his head.
“Honestly, you suck at confessions.”
“Don’t laugh! I’m under a lot of stress right now!”
“Right, right.”
Alfred let his shoulders slump. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against Arthur’s, nose touching in a gentle gesture that he hoped communicated all the things he was too embarrassed to say. “Please don’t suffer alone anymore.”
“I won’t,” Arthur sighed. Why did he sound so tired? “I’ll be suffering with millions of other people. Suffering, just like them.”
That was not the answer Alfred wanted to hear. He wanted to hear him say something like ‘there won’t be a revolt’ or ‘there won’t be a war’ but this was probably the best that he was going to get. At least Arthur had acknowledged that, like it or not, he was tied to his people.
“Arthur...so it’s true what they say after all. A mother’s love is peace,” he chuckled.
Arthur’s fist lightly hit the side of Alfred’s head. “Don’t call me a mother.”
Alfred laughed at the almost-pout on Arthur’s face. How odd it was to laugh, he thought. Really, he could not tell is he was extremely happy or completely miserable. So he laughed. He laughed so hard that he cried.
This story is amazing. Every chapter is great and I know the end is near- though I don´t know how you will solve everything in two chapters - and I´m on the edge of my seat. This chapter was gorgeous. I loved the declaration, I loved everything and augh, F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5-
There was nothing anyone could do to stop the war now. It had escalated too far and was only gaining momentum as the weeks passed. There was nothing anyone could do to fully stop the pain but at least they could help abate it just a little. It was strange how even those small words could lift Alfred’s heart.
Yao offered to make something to numb the pain and send Arthur to sleep for about three years or so. The first few years of civil war were always the most painful. Alfred wished that it would not take so long before the country settled down but he had been cautioned not to let his hopes rise too high in that area.
Currently, Alfred remained alone with Arthur in his room, tying Arthur’s wrists to the headboard so that he could not hurt himself when the symptoms started. Kiku promised to stay and nurse Arthur with him but the rest would withdraw and try to encourage their bosses to help the situation simmer down as soon as possible.
Alfred took his new task of binding Arthur hand and foot to the bed with increasing seriousness. He stared at the thick rope and tried not to think about anything else. It only pained him to think about the future and the past was a place he did not want to go to at the moment either. He only had the present now, and the rope in his hand that mercilessly bit into Arthur’s skin.
“When this is over, I might be someone completely different,” Arthur said placidly, letting himself be tied to the bed as if this were custom. He had taken Yao’s medicine earlier and was now only waiting for it to take effect.
“Arthur is always Arthur,” Alfred said with conviction. He finished checking that the knots were tight and turned to him, cupping the side of his face with his hand. “I know you. You won’t change at all.”
“Alfred,” Arthur looked as though he was about to say something more but bit his lip to stop up the words.
Alfred did not mind it. He only wanted this war to pass as quickly as possible with as little pain to Arthur. “You’ll always be the same to me,” he murmured and ruffled his hair.
Arthur frowned at him and tried to fix the mess but found that it was impossible with his wrists bound above his head. “Alfred,” his reproving tone melted away into something softer, “until I fall asleep...”
“Yeah, I promise. I’ll stay with you until then,” he smiled, lying down alongside Arthur with his head buried in the crook of his neck. He felt Arthur sigh and his breath touch the side of his ear.
“Maybe,” he replied, though he would rather that Arthur did not think about them right now, not when his awesome self was currently keeping him company. He chuckled and lifted himself closer to Arthur’s body, leaning over him so that his shadow completely masked him.
“Don’t worry about it too much. You always worry about stupid stuff. That’s why you’re starting to get wrinkles right here,” he playfully poked the point between Arthur’s eyes that wrinkled the most when he furrowed his eyebrows.
Arthur’s eyes fluttered shut then opened again to look at him. He repeated this gesture several times, keeping his eyes closed longer after each passing moment, feeling the medicine finally weighing down his eyes.
“Alfred, you know I never...never answered...you...before...” he began to slur, trying to keep his vision focused on Alfred’s smiling face for as long as possible. “But I....I also...also love - ”
Before he could finish his sentence, Arthur’s eyes closed for the final time, his head tilted to one side and his body relaxed as he was sent into a drug-induced sleep.
Alfred remained watching over him for a while. Only when Arthur’s eyes were fully shut did he allow his smile to become a frown, brushing his thumb gently over Arthur’s closed eyelids.
He waited a while, watching Arthur carefully before he finally decided to rise. The fluttering curtains caused specks of light to play across Arthur’s face. Alfred drew them close so that only faint beams peeked through the bottom.
This was a war no one needed. Personally, Alfred did not care if the government or the monarchy won if it meant that the whole stupid revolt would die down quickly. Although knowing his boss would definitely oppose the idea of a ruling monarchy, Alfred was also inclined to take the side of the government after how Arthur had been treated by the queen. However, either way, he knew that though it may be a civil war, it was not something he could stand by and quietly watch from the sidelines.
Sparing one last look at Arthur’s sleeping face he left the quiet room with grim determination, making his way downstairs. Throwing open the front door, he stepped outside to greet the tumultuous din of the London riots.
“Sweet dreams,” he whispered, even though he knew the dream to follow would be anything but sweet.
Three years seems a lot but I had to remember that they are countries.
Last chapter is the epilogue and hopefully bittersweet fluff times. Anon hopes you will stick with this fic until then.
This, oh god, this is so bittersweet. It gets better with each part. I really hope that the government ends up the winner, because it would be best for Arthur and also I can't imagine my country being ruled by the Queen. As corrupted as the system is, it's still better this way. And btw I don't have anything against the Queen
Hoping that the war doesn't really get going/doesn't affect Arthur too badly. He's suffered enough, Alfred too.
Alfred knew that going through civil war hurt. He could not quite remember his own civil wars; his memories in that department were cloudy at best and he had probably been delirious and half-crazed throughout it, but he knew that it was a painful time.
At first when Alfred watched him it only seemed as if Arthur were experiencing a bad dream; a very bad, horrific dream. However, when Yao’s medicine wore off and Arthur awoke, though not fully conscious, Alfred could fully appreciate the horrors of civil war.
He was glad that they had tied him down. Arthur could struggle as much as he like, the skin breaking and bleeding against the rope, he could curse Alfred and swear and spout as much angry babble as he wanted but he could never get his hands on anything dangerous.
Feeding Arthur in that deranged, paranoid state had been a frightening experience. Sometimes he was fierce and would not let anyone touch him, sometimes he was silent but paranoid, and sometimes he would be seductive, licking his lips, displaying his sweat-stained body, offering a fuck in return for freedom.
‘Hey,’ Arthur would whisper. ‘You’ve got me tied up here. Why don’t you take me? I wouldn’t be able to stop you. Come on, take me, you fucking Royalist; show your love for the country.’
At times Alfred wanted to punch every person he saw; Royalist or Civil. He wanted to yell, ‘Stop it! Stop it, can’t you see that it’s hurting him?’ There were even times when he wished everyone would just disappear in a mushroom cloud but he was not enough of a hypocrite to become the very thing he had tried to save Arthur from becoming.
He begged Yao to give Arthur another dose, would have gotten on his hands and knees even, but Yao insisted that another dose so soon would be harmful.
‘Wait three or four years aru, and if he doesn’t calm down by then I’ll give him another dose. I promise, aru,’ he had said.
The war raged on for another two years. Alfred was sure that, if it did not kill Arthur, it would surely kill him to watch its effects on Arthur’s mind.
However, just when they were ready to give Arthur another dose, the unthinkable occurred. The queen was assassinated by her own son.
After the initial surge of violence this brought about, things quickly calmed down. The government regained control and ruled that the Prince would not be tried for treason but would ascend the throne as King though with limited powers.
Unrest and bitter feelings continued to bubble – who would serve a king usurped the throne? It would be better to completely scrap the monarchy so this could never happen again – yet those feelings simmered down when it became apparent that repairing the damage both sides had done was a priority. They had made too many holes in this ship and would both sink together unless something was done.
The feeling waned into something that could tentatively be called peace.
XX
Arthur was only partially aware of what he had done during the war. He had been awake and yet delirious, thinking back on it was like looking at shadow puppets on the wall; watching and yet strangely apart from everything that was happening.
He had vague notions of what he had done but it all seemed as if it were just a bad nightmare. The things he said, the things he did or tried to do were too horrible for him to think otherwise.
Light fell on his face when Arthur sluggishly opened his eyes. It felt like the first light he had seen in centuries. His first thought was; warm, until he was finally able to perform more complex thought.
It was peaceful. The room smelt of spring; cut grass and flowers and sunlight. Was light usually this bright? The sun felt so good against his skin that he did not want to move but, shifting his head slightly, he looked down and realised that he had been untied; there were bandages around his wrist and ankles but the rope was gone.
“A – Alfred?” he tested his voice. It came out smooth.
Two warm hands clasped his own. Through his swimming vision, he managed to make out Alfred’s face leaning over him. He blinked several times to clear his vision, focusing on Alfred’s smile.
“Arthur? Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you know who I am?” he asked, his voice was edged with slight panic despite his calm outward appearance.
Arthur groaned and managed to pull himself up into a sitting position. It was easier to look at Alfred this way. “Of course I know who you are,” he muttered. “Get me something to drink.”
Alfred laughed, relaxing. The sound was oddly solid; the only first real sound that did not feel like an illusion. “Only just awake and ordering me about already? You’re definitely Arthur!”
“Git,” he muttered. That word sounded so strange to him. When was the last time he had used it? It could have been centuries ago.
Alfred only smiled and looked at him with an expression he could not quite place. The force of that gaze however tender it was only made Arthur squirm.
“W – What?”
“Nothing,” Alfred said and his smile widened.
“Idiot,” Arthur frowned at him, except that his frown was the wrong way around.
XX
“She didn’t deserve a royal funeral. She doesn’t even deserve those flowers!” Alfred glared at the gravestone overshadowed by weeping willows. The stone statue of an angel above the polished slab seemed in bad taste to him.
Arthur gave him an understanding look as he knelt down to place lilies on the grave. When he rose again the sun flashed across his eyes, blinding him for just a second. It was too bright and warm of a day to be spending with the dead.
“It feels like a dream,” Arthur murmured.
The wind carried the scent of yesterday on it, brushing past them as if to beckon them towards the future. Such a nostalgic smell made his head swim, the patterns of sunlight through the weeping willows were like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle scattered over the field; a kaleidoscope of light.
“It’s not a dream, Arthur!” Alfred perked up. Rushing out of the shade of the willows he spread his arms wide like a child, as if he could embrace both the sun and sky. “Smell that fresh air! It’s the start of great new things!”
Arthur frowned at him but followed him. “You’re so optimistic. My economy is shot,” he muttered.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you out!” Alfred thumped his chest. “Besides, sometimes stuff like this has to happen so that new things can grow.”
“I don’t trust your loans anymore,” Arthur shook his head, only half joking.
“How mean! I won’t suddenly ask for a total repayment, I promise!”
“Who can believe the things that you say?” he retorted.
Without warning, Alfred flung himself on top of Arthur, almost toppling them both. “You’re so cruel, Arthur! And I nursed you so lovingly these six years! Six years whilst you were bat-shit crazy!” he cried, trying to hide the fact that even mentioning it brought back unwelcome memories.
“...I know,” Arthur shoved him off, growing pensive as he thought about the time that he had passed in a half-conscious state of insanity.
Even though it seemed a dream, he distinctly remembered the touch of a cool hand against his head and the presence of someone sitting by his side, always there to keep him company no matter how badly he cursed and screamed.
Arthur turned his back to Alfred so that he would not see the faint blush warming his cheeks as he muttered something under his breath.
“What was that?” Alfred stepped closer.
“I know,” Arthur said. “Even though I can’t really remember it very well, I remember feeling as though I was lost somewhere in a deep, dark place. I couldn’t find the way out no matter how hard I tried but then...well, you found me and lead me out of that place so...so...thank you...I guess.”
“You guess?”
Annoyed that Alfred was making him say it out loud, he took a deep breath and stiffly bellowed; “Thank - ”
“Arthur,” Alfred suddenly cut him off as he collided into his back, arresting his arms by wrapping himself around him.
“W – What?” Arthur tried to catch a glimpse of his face.
Alfred’s breath tickled the back of his neck. He hugged him tighter, pressing his chest against Arthur’s back.
“Welcome back.”
For a moment Arthur was at loss for words. Then, slowly, he managed to worm himself around to look Alfred, nestling against his warm chest. Arthur closed eyes with what felt like contentment.
Matthew stood outside Alfred’s manor house. He was sure that this was the place Alfred had mentioned when he had called him but...he had been ringing the bell for three hours and no one had opened the door for him.
Had they all gone out? Were they asleep? Were they too busy looking after Arthur, who he had heard was in a bad shape, that they had failed to hear him ring?
He should go. If they were not going to open up then there was no point of being there. He was worried about Arthur but there was nothing he could do if no one was answering; he should just go back to Canada.
Heaving a sigh, Matthew rang the bell again.
Looks like someone forgot to tell him that they were moving to London. Thank you anons for reading and sticking with this fic to the end despite the lack of fluff!
I just read the whole thing and there is nothing i can really say other than... it was freaking awesome and perfect.
beautiful, and touching, and strong, and the descriptions, the feeling, the pain that came from every piece, arthur's pain, but also alfred, and how the fleeting appearance of the other nations popping up, with yao, and then the queen and then the civil war...
I can't believe that it's really over. I love this fic so much! Thank you Anon!!!
I seriously loved each and every part. I love the transition of Arthur moods, how he started off horribly broken and then slowly went insane. I love the relationship between Alfred and Arthur. ♥
I seriously started to cry, tears of joy, at the part when Alfred said "Welcome back" and Arthur replied "...I'm back." That just left such a happy feeling inside of me.
MARRY ME ANON! ;^;
... I'm going to go reread this over and over now.
Oh Anon...Marry me. Please. Right here. Right now. IDENTITIES MEAN LITTLE IN THE FACE OF LOVE LIKE MINE! This story was so fantastic. And it went to a place I couldn't think of and turned the world, or at least England, upside down and then righted it again and the ending was perfect. Gorgeous. Wonderful. Everything I expected from you and more. (And the omake made me laugh too. XD Poor, poor Matthew...)
SERIOUSLY ANON. MARRY ME. NOW. I CAN GET THE WEDDING RINGS, I CAN BAKE REALLY WELL SO THE CAKE'S NO ISSUE AND I CAN COOK. SO YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO COOK AGAIN. I'LL BE A DEVOTED HOUSEWIFE WHO WILL WORSHIP YOU. MARRY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Magnificent, Anon. I'm slightly distracted from the things I want to say by poor Matthew in Omake 2 (I admit that I also forgot Alfred had said he was on the way...).
I'm so impressed by all the thought that obviously went into this, the philosophies upon which the story was built as well as the very engaging narrative itself. I read most of this in one sitting just now and I have to say that, unlike some other anons, I was not surprised that the Queen was behind it--but I don't credit myself for that, I credit you for leading me masterfully in that direction.
Part-way through, as soon as the protests heralding civil war appeared, I got a few lines of a poem stuck in my head. I don't know if they were in yours as you were writing this, but I dug around the internet in order to be able to quote correctly (courtesy of the Victorian Web):
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and though We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. - Tennyson, "Ulysses"
On that note (and before I get emo), I thank you, Anon.
Read everything in one sitting! This jumped to being one of my favorites on the meme. Everything about it is so perfect: the plot, the logic, the characterizations. I love you author!anon!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: If you find me...[26b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-24 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)“Honestly, you suck at confessions.”
“Don’t laugh! I’m under a lot of stress right now!”
“Right, right.”
Alfred let his shoulders slump. “I love you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against Arthur’s, nose touching in a gentle gesture that he hoped communicated all the things he was too embarrassed to say. “Please don’t suffer alone anymore.”
“I won’t,” Arthur sighed. Why did he sound so tired? “I’ll be suffering with millions of other people. Suffering, just like them.”
That was not the answer Alfred wanted to hear. He wanted to hear him say something like ‘there won’t be a revolt’ or ‘there won’t be a war’ but this was probably the best that he was going to get. At least Arthur had acknowledged that, like it or not, he was tied to his people.
“Arthur...so it’s true what they say after all. A mother’s love is peace,” he chuckled.
Arthur’s fist lightly hit the side of Alfred’s head. “Don’t call me a mother.”
Alfred laughed at the almost-pout on Arthur’s face. How odd it was to laugh, he thought. Really, he could not tell is he was extremely happy or completely miserable. So he laughed. He laughed so hard that he cried.
OP
(Anonymous) 2009-05-24 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)Re: If you find me...[26b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 04:06 am (UTC)(link)This story is amazing. Every chapter is great and I know the end is near- though I don´t know how you will solve everything in two chapters - and I´m on the edge of my seat. This chapter was gorgeous. I loved the declaration, I loved everything and augh, F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5-
Re: If you find me...[26b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 04:52 am (UTC)(link)I worry about these two, but I trust that you will do a fine ending. I'm looking forward to it!
Re: If you find me...[27a/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)Yao offered to make something to numb the pain and send Arthur to sleep for about three years or so. The first few years of civil war were always the most painful. Alfred wished that it would not take so long before the country settled down but he had been cautioned not to let his hopes rise too high in that area.
Currently, Alfred remained alone with Arthur in his room, tying Arthur’s wrists to the headboard so that he could not hurt himself when the symptoms started. Kiku promised to stay and nurse Arthur with him but the rest would withdraw and try to encourage their bosses to help the situation simmer down as soon as possible.
Alfred took his new task of binding Arthur hand and foot to the bed with increasing seriousness. He stared at the thick rope and tried not to think about anything else. It only pained him to think about the future and the past was a place he did not want to go to at the moment either. He only had the present now, and the rope in his hand that mercilessly bit into Arthur’s skin.
“When this is over, I might be someone completely different,” Arthur said placidly, letting himself be tied to the bed as if this were custom. He had taken Yao’s medicine earlier and was now only waiting for it to take effect.
“Arthur is always Arthur,” Alfred said with conviction. He finished checking that the knots were tight and turned to him, cupping the side of his face with his hand. “I know you. You won’t change at all.”
“Alfred,” Arthur looked as though he was about to say something more but bit his lip to stop up the words.
Alfred did not mind it. He only wanted this war to pass as quickly as possible with as little pain to Arthur. “You’ll always be the same to me,” he murmured and ruffled his hair.
Arthur frowned at him and tried to fix the mess but found that it was impossible with his wrists bound above his head. “Alfred,” his reproving tone melted away into something softer, “until I fall asleep...”
“Yeah, I promise. I’ll stay with you until then,” he smiled, lying down alongside Arthur with his head buried in the crook of his neck. He felt Arthur sigh and his breath touch the side of his ear.
“Do you think they’ll be happy this way?”
Re: If you find me...[27b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)“Don’t worry about it too much. You always worry about stupid stuff. That’s why you’re starting to get wrinkles right here,” he playfully poked the point between Arthur’s eyes that wrinkled the most when he furrowed his eyebrows.
Arthur’s eyes fluttered shut then opened again to look at him. He repeated this gesture several times, keeping his eyes closed longer after each passing moment, feeling the medicine finally weighing down his eyes.
“Alfred, you know I never...never answered...you...before...” he began to slur, trying to keep his vision focused on Alfred’s smiling face for as long as possible. “But I....I also...also love - ”
Before he could finish his sentence, Arthur’s eyes closed for the final time, his head tilted to one side and his body relaxed as he was sent into a drug-induced sleep.
Alfred remained watching over him for a while. Only when Arthur’s eyes were fully shut did he allow his smile to become a frown, brushing his thumb gently over Arthur’s closed eyelids.
He waited a while, watching Arthur carefully before he finally decided to rise. The fluttering curtains caused specks of light to play across Arthur’s face. Alfred drew them close so that only faint beams peeked through the bottom.
This was a war no one needed. Personally, Alfred did not care if the government or the monarchy won if it meant that the whole stupid revolt would die down quickly. Although knowing his boss would definitely oppose the idea of a ruling monarchy, Alfred was also inclined to take the side of the government after how Arthur had been treated by the queen. However, either way, he knew that though it may be a civil war, it was not something he could stand by and quietly watch from the sidelines.
Sparing one last look at Arthur’s sleeping face he left the quiet room with grim determination, making his way downstairs. Throwing open the front door, he stepped outside to greet the tumultuous din of the London riots.
“Sweet dreams,” he whispered, even though he knew the dream to follow would be anything but sweet.
Three years seems a lot but I had to remember that they are countries.
Last chapter is the epilogue and hopefully bittersweet fluff times. Anon hopes you will stick with this fic until then.
Re: If you find me...[27b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)Definetely, this was one of the best fics I have read on this meme. ;____; (look you made me cry)
Re: If you find me...[27b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)OP
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 07:11 pm (UTC)(link)Of course I'll stay until the end! I can't believe that the next part is the last one! I'm going to miss this fic. ;^;
Re: If you find me...[27b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 07:18 pm (UTC)(link)Re: If you find me...[27b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-25 09:39 pm (UTC)(link)and also I can't imagine my country being ruled by the Queen. As corrupted as the system is, it's still better this way. And btw I don't have anything against the QueenHoping that the war doesn't really get going/doesn't affect Arthur too badly. He's suffered enough, Alfred too.
Re: If you find me...[28a/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-26 10:18 pm (UTC)(link)Alfred knew that going through civil war hurt. He could not quite remember his own civil wars; his memories in that department were cloudy at best and he had probably been delirious and half-crazed throughout it, but he knew that it was a painful time.
At first when Alfred watched him it only seemed as if Arthur were experiencing a bad dream; a very bad, horrific dream. However, when Yao’s medicine wore off and Arthur awoke, though not fully conscious, Alfred could fully appreciate the horrors of civil war.
He was glad that they had tied him down. Arthur could struggle as much as he like, the skin breaking and bleeding against the rope, he could curse Alfred and swear and spout as much angry babble as he wanted but he could never get his hands on anything dangerous.
Feeding Arthur in that deranged, paranoid state had been a frightening experience. Sometimes he was fierce and would not let anyone touch him, sometimes he was silent but paranoid, and sometimes he would be seductive, licking his lips, displaying his sweat-stained body, offering a fuck in return for freedom.
‘Hey,’ Arthur would whisper. ‘You’ve got me tied up here. Why don’t you take me? I wouldn’t be able to stop you. Come on, take me, you fucking Royalist; show your love for the country.’
At times Alfred wanted to punch every person he saw; Royalist or Civil. He wanted to yell, ‘Stop it! Stop it, can’t you see that it’s hurting him?’ There were even times when he wished everyone would just disappear in a mushroom cloud but he was not enough of a hypocrite to become the very thing he had tried to save Arthur from becoming.
He begged Yao to give Arthur another dose, would have gotten on his hands and knees even, but Yao insisted that another dose so soon would be harmful.
‘Wait three or four years aru, and if he doesn’t calm down by then I’ll give him another dose. I promise, aru,’ he had said.
The war raged on for another two years. Alfred was sure that, if it did not kill Arthur, it would surely kill him to watch its effects on Arthur’s mind.
However, just when they were ready to give Arthur another dose, the unthinkable occurred. The queen was assassinated by her own son.
After the initial surge of violence this brought about, things quickly calmed down. The government regained control and ruled that the Prince would not be tried for treason but would ascend the throne as King though with limited powers.
Unrest and bitter feelings continued to bubble – who would serve a king usurped the throne? It would be better to completely scrap the monarchy so this could never happen again – yet those feelings simmered down when it became apparent that repairing the damage both sides had done was a priority. They had made too many holes in this ship and would both sink together unless something was done.
The feeling waned into something that could tentatively be called peace.
XX
Arthur was only partially aware of what he had done during the war. He had been awake and yet delirious, thinking back on it was like looking at shadow puppets on the wall; watching and yet strangely apart from everything that was happening.
He had vague notions of what he had done but it all seemed as if it were just a bad nightmare. The things he said, the things he did or tried to do were too horrible for him to think otherwise.
Light fell on his face when Arthur sluggishly opened his eyes. It felt like the first light he had seen in centuries. His first thought was; warm, until he was finally able to perform more complex thought.
It was peaceful. The room smelt of spring; cut grass and flowers and sunlight. Was light usually this bright? The sun felt so good against his skin that he did not want to move but, shifting his head slightly, he looked down and realised that he had been untied; there were bandages around his wrist and ankles but the rope was gone.
“A – Alfred?” he tested his voice. It came out smooth.
Two warm hands clasped his own. Through his swimming vision, he managed to make out Alfred’s face leaning over him. He blinked several times to clear his vision, focusing on Alfred’s smile.
Re: If you find me...[28b/28]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-26 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)Arthur groaned and managed to pull himself up into a sitting position. It was easier to look at Alfred this way. “Of course I know who you are,” he muttered. “Get me something to drink.”
Alfred laughed, relaxing. The sound was oddly solid; the only first real sound that did not feel like an illusion. “Only just awake and ordering me about already? You’re definitely Arthur!”
“Git,” he muttered. That word sounded so strange to him. When was the last time he had used it? It could have been centuries ago.
Alfred only smiled and looked at him with an expression he could not quite place. The force of that gaze however tender it was only made Arthur squirm.
“W – What?”
“Nothing,” Alfred said and his smile widened.
“Idiot,” Arthur frowned at him, except that his frown was the wrong way around.
XX
“She didn’t deserve a royal funeral. She doesn’t even deserve those flowers!” Alfred glared at the gravestone overshadowed by weeping willows. The stone statue of an angel above the polished slab seemed in bad taste to him.
Arthur gave him an understanding look as he knelt down to place lilies on the grave. When he rose again the sun flashed across his eyes, blinding him for just a second. It was too bright and warm of a day to be spending with the dead.
“It feels like a dream,” Arthur murmured.
The wind carried the scent of yesterday on it, brushing past them as if to beckon them towards the future. Such a nostalgic smell made his head swim, the patterns of sunlight through the weeping willows were like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle scattered over the field; a kaleidoscope of light.
“It’s not a dream, Arthur!” Alfred perked up. Rushing out of the shade of the willows he spread his arms wide like a child, as if he could embrace both the sun and sky. “Smell that fresh air! It’s the start of great new things!”
Arthur frowned at him but followed him. “You’re so optimistic. My economy is shot,” he muttered.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you out!” Alfred thumped his chest. “Besides, sometimes stuff like this has to happen so that new things can grow.”
“I don’t trust your loans anymore,” Arthur shook his head, only half joking.
“How mean! I won’t suddenly ask for a total repayment, I promise!”
“Who can believe the things that you say?” he retorted.
Without warning, Alfred flung himself on top of Arthur, almost toppling them both. “You’re so cruel, Arthur! And I nursed you so lovingly these six years! Six years whilst you were bat-shit crazy!” he cried, trying to hide the fact that even mentioning it brought back unwelcome memories.
“...I know,” Arthur shoved him off, growing pensive as he thought about the time that he had passed in a half-conscious state of insanity.
Even though it seemed a dream, he distinctly remembered the touch of a cool hand against his head and the presence of someone sitting by his side, always there to keep him company no matter how badly he cursed and screamed.
Arthur turned his back to Alfred so that he would not see the faint blush warming his cheeks as he muttered something under his breath.
“What was that?” Alfred stepped closer.
“I know,” Arthur said. “Even though I can’t really remember it very well, I remember feeling as though I was lost somewhere in a deep, dark place. I couldn’t find the way out no matter how hard I tried but then...well, you found me and lead me out of that place so...so...thank you...I guess.”
“You guess?”
Annoyed that Alfred was making him say it out loud, he took a deep breath and stiffly bellowed; “Thank - ”
“Arthur,” Alfred suddenly cut him off as he collided into his back, arresting his arms by wrapping himself around him.
“W – What?” Arthur tried to catch a glimpse of his face.
Alfred’s breath tickled the back of his neck. He hugged him tighter, pressing his chest against Arthur’s back.
“Welcome back.”
For a moment Arthur was at loss for words. Then, slowly, he managed to worm himself around to look Alfred, nestling against his warm chest. Arthur closed eyes with what felt like contentment.
“...I’m back.”
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-26 10:26 pm (UTC)(link)“Alfred.”
“Yes, Arthur?”
“What the bloody hell did you do to my house?”
“...Ah.”
Omake 2
Matthew stood outside Alfred’s manor house. He was sure that this was the place Alfred had mentioned when he had called him but...he had been ringing the bell for three hours and no one had opened the door for him.
Had they all gone out? Were they asleep? Were they too busy looking after Arthur, who he had heard was in a bad shape, that they had failed to hear him ring?
He should go. If they were not going to open up then there was no point of being there. He was worried about Arthur but there was nothing he could do if no one was answering; he should just go back to Canada.
Heaving a sigh, Matthew rang the bell again.
Looks like someone forgot to tell him that they were moving to London. Thank you anons for reading and sticking with this fic to the end despite the lack of fluff!
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-26 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)beautiful, and touching, and strong, and the descriptions, the feeling, the pain that came from every piece, arthur's pain, but also alfred, and how the fleeting appearance of the other nations popping up, with yao, and then the queen and then the civil war...
it was painfully raw and just beautiful. wow.
OP
(Anonymous) 2009-05-26 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)I seriously loved each and every part. I love the transition of Arthur moods, how he started off horribly broken and then slowly went insane. I love the relationship between Alfred and Arthur. ♥
I seriously started to cry, tears of joy, at the part when Alfred said "Welcome back" and Arthur replied "...I'm back." That just left such a happy feeling inside of me.
MARRY ME ANON! ;^;
... I'm going to go reread this over and over now.
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-26 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)The whole of it was wonderful, but the ending was marvelous.
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-27 01:32 am (UTC)(link)This is just wonderful, author!anon. :D
I'm sad this has come to an end. :/
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-27 04:24 am (UTC)(link)That was marvelous, really! I love you so much for doing this!! &hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts&hearts
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-27 04:30 am (UTC)(link)SERIOUSLY ANON. MARRY ME. NOW. I CAN GET THE WEDDING RINGS, I CAN BAKE REALLY WELL SO THE CAKE'S NO ISSUE AND I CAN COOK. SO YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO COOK AGAIN. I'LL BE A DEVOTED HOUSEWIFE WHO WILL WORSHIP YOU. MARRY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-27 08:48 pm (UTC)(link)I'm so impressed by all the thought that obviously went into this, the philosophies upon which the story was built as well as the very engaging narrative itself. I read most of this in one sitting just now and I have to say that, unlike some other anons, I was not surprised that the Queen was behind it--but I don't credit myself for that, I credit you for leading me masterfully in that direction.
Part-way through, as soon as the protests heralding civil war appeared, I got a few lines of a poem stuck in my head. I don't know if they were in yours as you were writing this, but I dug around the internet in order to be able to quote correctly (courtesy of the Victorian Web):
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
- Tennyson, "Ulysses"
On that note (and before I get emo), I thank you, Anon.
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-28 02:33 am (UTC)(link)running trudy
(Anonymous) 2009-05-28 03:01 am (UTC)(link)Writer! Anon your brilliant!!
Re: If you find me...[Omake]
(Anonymous) 2009-05-28 08:42 am (UTC)(link)This jumped to being one of my favorites on the meme. Everything about it is so perfect: the plot, the logic, the characterizations. I love you author!anon!