hetalia_kink | Hetalia Kink meme part 15

A body sat down next to him, and a gentle hand pried one of his own hands away from his ear.

“Are you alright?” Spain asked.

No. “I don’t know,” Romano replied. Spain’s hand squeezed his in comfort.

“That must have been a shocking experience,” he murmured. “I never would have imagined something like this would happen. I thought Netherlands knew.”

Romano was sick of his confusion. “I don’t even know what I did!” he cried. It wasn’t fair! Why did this happen? Spain obviously knew something he didn’t. “Tell me why he got mad,” Romano demanded. “What are you keeping from me?”

“It’s not something I’m keeping from you…” Spain’s voice trailed off before he sighed. “Or maybe it is. The world is a cruel place, Romano.”

He wasn’t so young that he didn’t have his own painful memories. “I know.”

“I mean…” Spain pulled Romano into his lap, keeping their hands entwined. “I kept you in dresses because you were very cute. But I suppose I knew all along that young boys weren’t meant to wear dresses. There are certain ways that boys and girls should behave. If they don’t act in a way that’s socially acceptable, there are consequences.”

Romano frowned. “So it wasn’t acceptable for me to wear those kinds of clothes?”

“No.” Spain seemed ready to let the conversation die there, but Romano couldn’t allow that to happen. Improper attire couldn’t have possibly been the reason for Netherlands’ anger. Not that extent of anger. Romano still had so many questions for Spain.

“He said I was disgusting.” The words made Romano flush with shame. He hoped that Spain didn’t think he was disgusting, too. “And that I was a queer, but I don’t know what that is.”

Spain wouldn’t look Romano in the eye. “That really isn’t something worth talking about,” he tried, but Romano gave him a pitiful expression. Spain forced himself to explain, but not without regret. “The term ‘queer’ is used to describe—in a rather negative way—someone who is homosexual. Someone… someone who is interested in becoming intimate with a person of the same sex.”

“That’s bad?”

“Society says so,” Spain replied.

“Is it a sin?” Romano pressed. “Netherlands said I made him sin.”

Spain looked pained from Romano’s words, but Romano wouldn’t retract his question. He had to know. “It… Fr-France talked to you about… about sex, right?” Romano cringed, but nodded. Terrible, horrible conversation. “If a man wants to sleep with another man, it is considered a sin. But most people will tell you that any sort of homosexual behavior is sinful. So even flirting with another man… it’s an abomination.”

Something in Romano’s chest tightened. “Even… if… if a man wanted another man to become his very special person… that’s bad?”

“If by ‘very special person’ you mean ‘lover’, then yes.” Spain’s words were bitter. “That’s very bad.”

Romano’s palm grew cold and sweaty in Spain’s gasp. His plans for their future were suddenly cast in a different light. Something that seemed so wonderful to Romano once, now promised damnation if he were to approach it. Everything Netherlands was mad about made sense. How could he never have known any of this?

“Romano.” Spain’s voice was gentle. “Please, understand that just because the world—“

“I don’t want to hear anymore,” Romano interrupted. His heart ached, and now he couldn’t help but fear… “All this time, I’ve been doing something so bad and—“

“No no no, Romano! You haven’t done anything wrong at all! You didn’t know!” Spain tried to tighten his hold on Romano, but Romano pulled away and ran into the house, leaving Spain behind on the porch. He locked himself into his room for the rest of the night and tried to forget everything he had just learned. He couldn’t think of anything else.

*~*~*

A week had passed since the incident, when three dozen roses arrived from Netherlands, addressed to Romano. Instead of feeling pleased, Romano felt ashamed that he was receiving a gift intended for girls. Spain said that it must have been Netherlands’ pathetic attempt at an apology.

Romano gave the flowers to Belgium.

*~*~*

So usually I try to respond to everyone individually, but in this case, I’m just doing one long Author’s note (which I wrote weeks ago and made minor adjustments to today >_<;). I promise I’ll get back to individual responses after this &hearts It’s just that there was a bit of craziness with the last update, and I also discovered that many comments ended up deleted. It’s been so long since I’ve last updated, so the controversy has probably died down. Nevertheless…

I guess the first thing I want to say is that I’m very much human, and I don’t have any golden sense of morality. I try to write justly, but I’m not always going to succeed. So I’m likely to upset some readers by my handling of such a controversial topic as homophobia. And I understand that’s simply a part of writing this story. However, I never intended to hurt or offend anybody, and so if I do, I need to know. Obviously, the language I choose for this story can be strong and hurtful, but I hope the story shows that I in no way condone it.

The main controversy I see in regard to the last part I posted was how Romano should be treated after acting so cruelly. There are those who deeply wish to see him suffer for the hurt he inflicted on others, and those who are angry with him, but also recognize him as a victim, himself.

The story will be written according to my original plotline. This is not to say that I’m ignoring your comments, but I can’t write against my own heart, and I wish to stay faithful to the original request.

I’m not defending Romano’s actions, but I am defending him as a person. Romano isn’t someone who lashes out because he’s full of hate. He attacked because he felt that he, himself, was being attacked. He obviously wasn’t, but feelings don’t necessarily reflect reality.

Now of course, Romano’s going to suffer somewhat. This fic is about him getting over his homophobia, and coming to accept his sexuality is going to cause him a lot of upset and pain. But he’s also going to be forgiven. I would sooner write homophobia in conjunction with redemption and forgiveness than write homophobia in conjunction with harsh justice or revenge. The way this story will end has everything to do with my own personal preferences. I’m not going to try and hide that.

Lastly, I would like to address the extreme examples of hatred that were brought up. Those who kill others because of their sexuality deserve to suffer. Romano is not that extreme. There will be those who argue that every act of hatred is equally terrible, and those who argue that the less extreme displays of hate still serve to fuel the extreme. I understand that, but I have to respectfully disagree with the consequences suggested for those whose actions and intentions are not founded in pure ignorance and hate. Romano’s actions, first and foremost, are ones of defense.

The irony in of all this is that, despite taking on this prompt, I actually hate conflict. Part of me wants to continue with this story and a part of me doesn’t. I think I already scared my OP away -_-;; I’ve decided that the story will continue until either:

A) It’s finished.
or
B) I end up taking it in a terrible direction, and the general consensus is that it needs to stop.

Much love to everyone, no matter which side you take your stand on.

Anon thinks option A should be the answer. But anon may be biased because she's truly enjoying this fic, even with its controversial subject matter. *cheers you on to keep writing*

Anon saw you de-anon in on of the parts for this update, and totally thinks you end up with fics that are controversial, like the one with the wetting kink? *hopes you get no more silly, angry comments about subject matter when you write so beautifully*

Augh, Netherlands, be careful with fragile kids. ... D-dammit, religion. (I bet Netherlands remembers that embarrassing realization about Romano, but I wonder if he even remembers all the things he said to the poor kid? That's the kind of life-changing interaction that adults tend to forget about after awhile, but children remember forever. :'D)

This is such a interesting story, even though I'm not a big fan of the whole "reconciling one's sexuality" kind of plot. Usually that ends up more cliched, but this is more interesting since we're actually seeing the root of the problem. I'm really enjoying the background relationships, too. After that little snippet, I really desperately want to see how Canada and France's relationship evolves; it's not an unhealthy one, but I still feel like they're both resigning themselves to having less than they deserve. And I'll be interested to see more of America and England, too, if that's going to happen. :O

Uh, most of all? Thank you so much for sticking to your original plans for the story; you're a good writer, and I want to read your story, not someone else's. I'm glad you decided to stay on course. <3 (Such a rational decision! XD Rationality in the face of anger/fear/hatred is hard, isn't it?)

This anon thinks you're handling the sensitive subject matter of the fill quite well, and handling the reaction to the fill quite gracefully.

I absolutely think you're making the right choice in terms of sticking to the original direction, and I'm glad to see this updated, as I'd be sad to see a good and emotionally intelligent story get brought down by the strong reactions of some readers. I definitely want to see where you're taking us.

I really hope it ends up being A, because I am dying to see how this all turns out. You obviously aren't taking this subject lightly and from what you've said about your plans for the rest of the story, I don't think it'll get to a point where it's going in a terrible direction. You really sound like you know are trying to handle this subject in the best way possible, and so far I think you're doing a great job.

This part just. Gah. France's sex talk didn't take away Romano's innocence, being made to believe loving that "special person" is wrong did. >: And the first part with Spain and Romano almost made me cry, I just feel so bad for both of them. Can't wait for the next part, keep up the good work. ♥

This part was beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad you didn't let the chaos on last part sway you, because you really have a feel for the characters and you're taking your subject matter seriously, so I trust your way of handling this more than anyone else's.

Also I like the way you made Netherlands the "bad one", he sounded like he was very young himself and stupid more than downright cruel. Seconding anon who wonders if Netherlands even remembers the details of his lashing out, it's probably a very wince-inducing memory for him. I love how you're handling all the complex ramifications of feelings and interaction, it's subtle and very nice.

Yes! "Lashing out" was the phrase I was looking for up there when I was wondering about Netherlands. *fails at English*

This anon would like to say that she has been utterly floored by how well you've handled the request. Completely and utterly floored. This could have been written in such an immature manner, but you handle it beautifully. Like glass-blowing, almost; its so easy to get wrong, but if its done right the final product is breathtaking. Unless you go through some major personal changes that will hugely affect your views on the subject & request, I don't see how this will be anything less than amazing.

This anon can't believe that anons responded so childishly to your fiction. Obviously we all live in a magic world of sunshine, and rainbows where no one ever says anything mean, everyone gets along, everyone accepts how they feel and is celebrated for it, and all life's problems are solved with magic-healing-cock.

You've made it gritty, and you've made it painfully realistic. Your explanation of how Romano's feelings came to be was magnificently done, and believable. Kudos to you for not pussying out just because some over-sensitive, hysterical anons took offence to something realistic. Quite simply: they need to grow up.

Congrats on a great piece. It's gripping because it is realistic, and the end result is going to be far more rewarding than "Romano's a homophobe. Romano realised he was wrong and had gay sex with Spain. The end." You're taking your time with this, and so you should; we're talking about changing the fundamental views of a character. That's not going to happen overnight. You're a true writer, anon. Some people don't like that. I personally celebrate that there's people like you around.

i'm really glad that you're able to handle this prompt so delicately, and that you're writing your own beliefs. it's really great so far and i like the slow pace of the story because everything is explored to make the readers understand more. i also love how you didn't make Spain perfect, which happens very often in Spain/Romano fics in general. he loses his temper, he said things that contributed to Romano's homophobia, he says the wrong things...he's not just some eternally patient and understanding pushover. it makes him, as well as the dynamic between him and Romano, more realistic.

the fic will be "slow, tough, and hopefully satisfactory for both them in the end". honestly, i wouldn't want it any other way.

AUTHOR!ANON. This fic...I cannot write coherently. I just stumbled across this, kind of by accident, and I HAD to comment.

First off...I love it. This is, quite honestly, one of the best fills I have ever read on the kink meme, and probably the best Spamano fic I've ever read, seriously. It's exactly how I see their relatinship, I kid you not. I personally think you've taken the prompt in exactly the right direction; how you've taken the time to explore Romano's insecurities, and his relationships with Spain and his brother, and that whole experience with the Netherlands - it's so much more satisfying to read something so multi-layered and well-planned than the usual "Romano is homophobic and a dick because of his religion" thing. It's so refreshing to see it done this way!

With the whole thing about people being upset over the way Romano hasn't been "punished" for his behaviour - well, I honestly think it's a little childish for people to think that in fiction, every character will get his "just desserts." It's complicated, but in some ways, Romano is a victim too, and I absolutely love that you've recognised that.

How you've written him - it's perfect, absolutely how I see him but have never quite been able to get down on paper. He's a very sad guy, I think, deep down; really insecure, and something about the way you wrote the parts where he was comparing himself to his brother, and thinking about how Spain was going to get rid of him really got to me. Personally, I've had a lot of similar emotional problems in the past, and I hate it when people write stuff like this as matters that can easily be solved with hug therapy; but how realistic this whole thing is...it actually made me tear up, and I've pretty much never cried at fanfic before. I love this fic that much!

That little side-plot with France and Canada fascinates me too. I hope there'll be more of that, I have the feeling that they aren't giving in to their feelings for one another as much as they deserve to; I hope you continue this, I can't wait to see more of them, and the USUK pairing, and of course Germany and Veneziano.

I shall end my ramble here! The only thing I have left to say is that I think you're doing a magnificent job with this; you're a fantastic writer, and you're handling the delicate subject matter so sensitively. It really would be a shame not to continue this.

Oh Author Anon, this is such a beautiful and saddening story. I also agree with the other anons that you are handling the situation very well, and that of all the kink meme stories I've read in the last couple of days, this one of the definitely one of the most realistic ones I've ever come across.

My heart breaks for Spain. I can't imagine what he's going through. But I know that lots of people go through what they're both going through every day and sometimes there's a happy ending, but oftentimes, I'm sure there's a lot of disaster.

TBH, I read all the reader reactions before the story just to see what kind of feel people had. I'm kind of disappointed that I came across this after some hateful comments were deleted. I've always found it interesting how easy it is for people to hate on what doesn't agree with them, but it's just so difficult to forgive, forget, and move on. Hating a homophobe with a passion is just basically the other side of hating a homosexual with a passion, IMHO. There's no need to understand, no empathy, just pure hatred, spite, fear. But at the same time, you really can't appreciate how good the world is if there isn't anything bad in it. And I believe you have an incredibly good grasp on both sides, both good and bad, which really just makes this story all the more enticing.

One thing I've also found interesting is your incorporation of the topic of religion. I think I'm incredibly spoiled to say that while I grew up in a devout Catholic family, not once do I remember ever hearing a slight against homosexuality, whether in my home or in my church. When I rediscovered my faith in college, I even came across devout homosexual Catholics, which honestly just does not happen. And the support and love they receive from the community just baffles me. Maybe it's a sign of the changing times. I don't know. But I really do believe we can live in a world without all the ridiculous hate, and I wish I could give my positive experiences with homosexuality and religion to other people, because hearing about how deeply they contrast and hurt people really just breaks my heart. I especially want to give it to Romano in this fic. I loved the way you portrayed how he first started to hate homosexuality. It's very realistic and the right amount of traumatizing. I would fear and hate being gay if I was ever met with that much resentment, especially from someone who you thought was your friend. And Romano was just a child too!

But I truly commend you for the way you're handling the whole story, and the commenters in general. I hope that you continue to update and finish off the story, despite what people say about it. From the comments I've seen, well the ones that are left anyway, you have a lot of support and despite personal opinions, people want you to finish this out.

And honestly, take it as a compliment. Your writing is so moving and so passionately written that it's inciting all sorts of emotions in people. Both good and bad. All great writers have done this. And you are a wonderful author.

I cannot even begin to describe how much love I have for this incredible fic, or how glad I am I stumbled across it. Poor little Romano! There are tears in my eyes. I wish I was capable of writing big long deep reviews, but I'm just not. Please carry this on - I love it!

Will this ever be finished?? I tried to find it on fanfiction.net, in hopes that it *was* finished and posted somewhere other than the kink meme, but such was not the case. :,(

I really like this story so far!! Please continue? ~~I thought Netherlands' realization was a little heavy-handed, but it works for the story!!~~

It's kind of weird to be commenting so much later than when this was last updated, but this best story I have read for the entire Hetalia fandom. I couldn't just leave it without some praise. You capture the depth of Romano's emotions so realistically. Every time a character felt pain or anger I felt like I could feel it too. I'm hoping the story will be continued some day, but as for now I believe Author!Anon deserves a lot of credit and praise for this story. :)

Seconded so hard. I really want to see this finished--it's honestly one of the best things I've ever read: and I read a lot. I love how you incorporated religion into this (Rome is where the Pope is, for god's sake, (pun intended)), your wonderful characterization, as well as how you just made the situation completely realistic. In all honesty, I just love everything about this story. A!a is quite an amazing author, and this is a wonderfully heart-rending story.

So once again, I hope that you continue this, a!a. It would make me incredibly sad to have this beautiful work of art dropped.

YES, PLEASE PLEASE! I need more of this fic. I just came across it today and almost cried (I hardly ever cry) I will keep this page bookmarked foreverrr!!!

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Continue with this story, it's really good.It's hard now days to find good stories such as this to come by. I came as well as many others have found this story on accident. I really hope that some day that when I come back to this story that I see it updated! But who knows? Anyway I mainly want to say that I really love this story and that I hope this will continue again some point in the future

Hetalia Kink meme part 15

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Author's Note

Anon is not a stalker, she swears!

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praise praise praise, we are not worthy etc

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Continue, Please!

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Hetalia Kink meme part 15

Untitled 13c/?

Author's Note

Anon is not a stalker, she swears!

Re: Author's Note

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*praise praise praise, we are not worthy etc*

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Continue, Please!

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praise praise praise, we are not worthy etc