hetalia_kink | Hetalia Kink meme part 15

OH HEY IT'S THE "wtf no. Shoo." ANON. I'M BACK FROM OUTER SPAAAACE
BECAUSE I LOVE PRAUS AND HAD TO DO THIS. C:
hope OP doesn't mind two fills...?

-x-x-x-

Times like these, Gilbert thought that there should be a term for the mind-splitting, bone-breaking, pant-tearing agony he felt right now.

Like...the Boner Disease. Gilbert lay on his stomach, a sour look on his face as he watched his very pregnant boyfriend waddling around in a loose nightdress that outlined the strangely beautiful new curve of his still-lean body (and kind of reminded Gilbert of a melon on a toothpick, but a really sexy melon. Somehow.) with a jar of pickles, a tub of Nutella, and a fork in his hands (don't ask. Gilbert felt sick enough just thinking about how disgusting pickles and Nutella were on their own; together, there was a taste that could almost rival England's cooking, and that was truly a horrifying idea). Roderich hadn't even been slicking his hair up lately, letting the bangs frame his heart-shaped face, and he was humming cheerfully to himself, mood swings from the pregnancy doing wonders on his disposition; Gilbert had always thought Roderich damn sexy when he smirked, but smiling...ahhh, whenever Roderich smiled, honest-to-God smiled, hearts virtually exploded out Gilbert's eyes.

But Gilbert would have traded the last six months of generous smiling (ever since they'd found out about the baby~ the image of Roderich, nearly crying in ~~horror~~ joy at the idea of bearing Gilbert's ~~devil spawn~~ awesome baby was forever burned into the albino's eyes and stashed fondly with the folder holding cute pictures of West.) if Roderich would only yank up that damn maternity dress and bend the fuck over.

Spending six months - six whole fucking months! - without Roderich's tight heat around him made Gilbert felt like he had frostbite on his dick, and that was not a nice feeling. But what else was it? Roderich, with near no knowledge of this ever happening before, had told Gilbert to get used to his hand as soon as they left the doctor's office. And Gilbert tried, he really, truly did, except that -

A loud moan tore the Prussian from his musings, and Gilbert looked up just in time to see a blissful Roderich licking Nutella off a pickle in a manner that he probably didn't mean to be provocative, but some of the worst actions have been committed with the best intentions and - dammit. Gilbert buried his face in a pillow as he was reminded of precisely why the Boner Disease needed to be made a scientific name.

Roderich was looking at him weirdly, half-eaten pickle in his hands and violet eyes blinking in vague acception of Gilbert being Gilbert before whirling - whirling! The dress flew up and exposed creamy white thighs and that was really not helping - and walking away, humming merrily.

Naturally, as soon as Gilbert was denied sex, Roderich would begin acting provocatively.

Gilbert groaned and pounded his fist against the bed, cursing the gods for his shitty luck.

The next morning, after a painfully uneventful night, Gilbert woke up before Roderich for once and spent twenty minutes staring at his lover with an expression that went from adoring to fond to blank to irritated to downright pissed. Roderich looked about forty times more rapeable when he was asleep, snuggling against Gilbert's arm and nuzzling his chest.

Gilbert scowled furiously and grabbed his cell phone.

It was time to call Elizaveta.

-x-x-x-

As it turned out, Gilbert was not the only person suffering from Roderich's ~~logical~~ stupid refusal to sleep with the Prussian. Nope. Nearby, a certain Hungarian wailed in anguish as the sun rose without even a sign of sex between her two favorite adult stars, other than a chaste goodnight kiss that really didn't do anything for Elizaveta's aching soul. (She had seriously used that as a reason why Roderich should at least suck the poor Prussian off. "I'm going crazy without it! It hurts! How would you feel if I smashed your piano?" Of course, it hadn't worked, and had just made Roderich burst into apologetic tears and HULK SMASH Gilbert's head into his chest, begging for forgiveness but he was just so worried that something would go wrong and the baby would die and on and on. Elizaveta reminded herself to never again say anything against a pregnant Roderich's beliefs.)

But whatever the case, Elizaveta had little to do but sit around moping. Her phone rang and she answered quickly, praying it might be an update.

It was, but not of the kind she expected.

"Gilbert?" she asked with a frown. "What's up?"

"I'M DYING!" he wailed, and she could see him curled up in the bathoom and burying his face in his hands.

Elizaveta pursed her lips.

"We need a plan, Gilbert."

Twenty minutes later, Operation: SEX was in effect.

-x-x-x-

l'honhonhon. C:

Ten million lols for the title alone, and I love Prussia's POV in this.

THE MORE FILLS, THE MERRIER! <3

omg SO looking forward to more.

Frostbite on his dick....oh author-anon, I haven't laughed that hard in days!!

And thank you OP for suggesting this kink request..guess we share the same depravity when it comes to Roderich! XD

This story is hilarious! You've got Prussia's character down pat. I also love the little bits that were crossed out and replaced by Prussia's interpretation of events. That was probably one of my favorite pieces about this story. You have excellent diction and syntax and I will probably develop some sort of fanfiction variation of the Boner Disease as I eagerly await your next update.

Sorry it took so long, oh my god. orz;;;;
But hee, have some snarky!Austria. /shot

The Plan was, according to the two masterminds behind it, abosolutely wonderful. Of course, it wasn't that intense - really just something like TIE HIM DOWN, TIE HIM DOWN! - but it was still awesome.

Gilbert stood by the music room door, eyes pasted on his Austrian boyfriend, and silk rope held behind his back like a schoolkid hiding his Twinkie from the playground bully. Unlike the schoolkid, however, Gilbert had a wide grin spreading across his face, and was practically glowing with excitement. He wsas gonna tie his Roddy to that bloody piano bench and -

Alas, Operation: SEX was easier said than done, because as soon as he saw the blissful (and slightly pained, probably because the little bugger was kicking away) smile on the brunet's face, the sex drive melted away like a popsicle on a hot June morning.

Gilbert swallowed guiltily and strode over silently to where Roderich sat.

The Austrian screamed shrilly when Gilbert laid a hand on his shoulder, before a happy twinkle glittered in his violet eyes even as he blushed darkly in embarrassment.

Gilbert opened his painfully dry mouth to speak. "Rohhhh-ddy?"

Said man had straightened up, one hand on his belly, before Gilbert spoke. Now he frowned. "Gilbert, what do you want? You only use that tone when -" The albino cut him off with a kiss, surprise flitting across Roderich's face in response as Gilbert sucked his lower lip, slipping his tongue into the brunet's mouth with practiced ease.

It looked like he wouldn't have to use the rope! Gilbert dropped the bundle carefully, so as to not make a sound as it hit the wood floor, and leaned over, pinning the other man - who was, quite interestingly, wearing a light yellow maternity dress like the pansy he was (Gilbert thought that with a loving tone) - against the piano as Roderich opened his mouth and brought his hands up to twist into GIlbert's hair.

Yes, all was going well.

Until Gilbert slipped a hand up Roderich's thigh and under the sundress.

Violet eyes shot open in surprise, and a push hard enough to send Gilbert flying reminded him just how dangerous the placid Austrian could be.

"Gilbert, I told you no!" Roderich's voice was enraged and rather anguished, though not nearly as much as the albino's.

Said albino hollered in fury. "I've gone six months - six fucking months! - without any! How'm I -"

Roderich hurled a conducting rod at the other's head, looking close to tears. "You bastard! You inconsiderate bastard! You've gone without a good fuck for six months, oh no! Well, I'm the one carrying the result of one of them, and do you think I'm not suffering too?! I've gained a billion pounds, I have to pee every half hour, the kid hates raspberries, and I can't even play piano without him kicking apart my insides! You think you've got it bad?!"

During his whole monologue, Roderich had been throwing stuff at the Prussian - stuff that steadily increased in size. Gilbert stood in awe of his boyfriend's hissy fit.

And then crouched in horror as the brunet lifted the fucking piano bench over his head, looking positively livid and prepared to smash it over Gilbert's head.

Then, thankfully, he set it down, fuming, and glanced around angrily.

"Where's my goddamn Nutella?!"

-x-x-x-

Several hours later, Gilbert elbowed open the door to the library, holding a cup of hot tea on a saucer and gnawing nervously at his lip, expecting all fifteen volumes of that encyclopedia set to come flying at his face in quick succession.

Thankfully, Roderich sat on the side of the library opposite from the shelf housing those particular books, by the window and with an embroidery hoop in his hands. There was a pleasant smile on his face which morphed into a halfway scowl as the albino drew nearer. He accepted the tea warily, and turned back to his embroidery with an elegantly upturned nose.

"I'm sorry," Gilbert burst out, reaching up to rub the back of his neck and having the sense to look sheepish. "For yelling at you. It was...erm...wrong. And uncalled for."

It took a few minutes' awkward silence before Roderich sighed and set down his needlework. "You know, I really don't get what it is with you and sex."

"It's amazing," defended Gilbert. "Especially with you!"

"Now you're just flattering me." There was a pleased blush on Roderich's face, and the brunet hurriedly picked his embroidery hoop back up.

Gilbert nodded vigorously.

"Even when I'm so fat and -"

"You're not fat!" interrupted an aghast-looking Gilbert. "You're pregnant, and with my awesome kid!"

Roderich looked dubious, so Gilbert continued. "No, really! When I look at you, it's like you've somehow gotten even sexier than you were before the, ah, new curves! Like sexiness comes with pregnancy or something!"

"Never knew you were a chubby chaser," remarked the Austrian dryly, crossing his arms as if daring Gilbert to list off more reasons why he should strip.

"And you know, with all that extra weight pushing your insides out of shape, I bet that you're really, really tight right now!"

Gilbert was aware of Roderich's scandalized expression before the pregnant man was on his feet, embroidery hoop in hand for a split second before he chucked it at his head hard enough to bruise. "If you had any chance before," ground out the brunet, quivering in embarrassed rage, "you just blew it off. So shoo."

The Prussian didn't want to leave, but the heavy tomes projected at his head - somehow, Roderich crossed to the encyclopedia shelf in half a second - quickly changed his mind.

-x-x-x-

"Liiiiiz!" he wailed into the phone, ten minutes later as he nursed his book-and-embroidery-hoop-induced wounds. "He chased me out of the library with fucking books!"

There was a sigh from the other line. "Gilbert, you seem to forget that I was married to him once, and I know what to do when he refuses sex. Tie him down, I said!"

"But I don't wanna! He's too cute, dammit!"

"You've tied him down before, and don't even bother pretending otherwise!"

"But it was different then! He wasn't full to fucking bursting with my baby!" Gilbert paused, the image of Roderich exploding filling his mind, and he shuddered. "Okay, bad images, bad images. Where's the brain bleach?"

"You're an idiot," announced the Hungarian. "Tell him that sex is good for the baby?"

"I tried that! I did my homework, you know," he added proudly. "But he blew me off, said that it might not be the same for men as for women!"

"And you already flattered him half to hell today," Elizaveta mused. "Well, there's nothing for it. I'm not going to sit here and waste my minutes while you claw around for ideas in that empty brain of yours!"

"But Liz -" A dial tone cut him off, and he smashed the phone into the floor furiously. "Goddammit, you bitch!"

NOBODY SAW THAT DE-ANON.

-x-x-x-

Roderich was playing piano again. Gilbert crossed himself before sliding into the music room, footsteps drowned out by music multiplying off the beige wallpapered walls. (Roderich liked tasteful simplicity; he'd spent hours poring through those textile books, searching for the right one to plaster the walls with, and had finally chosen this beige silky stuff. The most Gilbert could say about it was that it was shiny.) Stopping behind the Austrian, he took a slow, deep breath, and lunged, reaching out and gripping the other's wrists before he even noticed, pushing him against the piano and pressed close to his back.

When Roderich did notice, though, it was with a furious screech. "Untie me right now, or I swear I'll -"

"You'll what, Roderich?" growled Gilbert huskily, breath ghosting over Roderich's neck and making the delicate hairs stand up as he reached between the Austrian's thighs. "You'll what?"

Roderich swallowed hard and turned his head just a little, just enough for Gilbert to see violet eyes wide with worry, lust, and quite a lot of irritation.

Gilbert grinned and bit down on the outer shell of the brunet's ear.

aaand I'm a major bitch, so I'll leave you hanging again for a while. Don't worry, the smut will be porntastic (if anything, I write good smut /shot), and the next chapter should be the last. ^^
thanks for reading! :)
oh, and to that anon who said they'd make a fanfiction rendering of this story - if you could link me to it when you're done, that'd be awesome. I'm LolliDictator on ffnet c:

Goddamit, I de-anoned myself. Sorry mods!

Poor Roddy. There is no escape from a sex-deprived Gilbert! Muahahahah!! *rub hands in glee* I shall enjoy the upcoming porny scene.

Best. Thing. Evar.
Also, I had a sneaking suspicion it was you, Lolli.

/cant wait for pr0nz.

Authornon is pleased c: and a little surprised, actually! How'd you know it was me?? :D

It's coming up. ;)

Writing style, word usage. I stalk you on ffnet, but I'm not sure I have you on alert -fails so hard-

Yayyyy~

Oh ouo do you have an ffnet account? :DDDD

Ja, I do.
is Crystalinn

Hetalia Kink meme part 15

Boner Disease [1/?]

Boner Disease [1b/?]

Re: Boner Disease [1b/?]

OP.

Re: Boner Disease [1b/?]

Re: Boner Disease [1b/?]

Re: Boner Disease [1b/?]

Boner Disease [2a/3]

Boner Disease [2b/3]

Boner Disease [2c/3]

Boner Disease [2d/3]

Re: Boner Disease [2d/3]

OP is late yet again!

tis fine :D

Re: tis fine :D

Re: tis fine :D

Re: tis fine :D