America attempts to explain the literary significance of the novel Slaughterhouse-Five (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slaughterhouse_five) to either England, France, or Japan, and fails.[/geek]
If you can find a place for smut in this prompt, you're totally welcome to it. :D
England sipped his tea, seemingly trapped in his chair. The walls had a warm color along with the lighting, the chair low and heavily-cushioned, cradling him. In other words, it was, well, womblike, almost, like every other Starbucks he’d ever been in. He wondered how these places had possibly become so popular. Perhaps Freud had been right.
On top of it all, the tea was terrible.
“So, umm, why’d you want to talk to me?” asked America. The whole place smelled like coffee. That might have something to do with the taste of the tea — with every sip, he also got a mouthful of coffee.
“I was looking at your banned books list.”
“That old thing? I haven’t banned a book in like, what, forty years?”
“No, the other banned books list.”
“Oh, that one,” he said, laughing, “Looking for something good for after Harry Potter?”
“I’ve read since Harry Potter.” This was pretty pointless, he thought, but then again, America had called him over for more pointless things than this. That new swingset, for example.
“Yeah, that whole inspired into reading thing, got you —”
“Unlike you, I’ve always read.”
America paused, slurping that sugary-coffee concoction they sold with whipped cream and a hundred thousand calories.
“Yeah, well, anyway, that banned books list, it’s false advertising. The stuff there’s barely racy. If you’re looking for actual erotica, you won’t find it there,” he said.
“That’s not what I meant.”
America gave him a doubting look.
“And anyway, I found a book,” said England, digging around in his laptop bag and handing America a paperback. America took it, looking it front and back, flipping it to where he knew the pictures were.
“Slaughterhouse-Five! Yeah, I remember this stuff! Good stuff, too. Let me guess, though — you got lured in because it was banned for sexual content, right?”
“No, it wasn’t that at all.”
“Oh come on. Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone tries to do that at least once.” England leaned back, his cheeks forming a pink tinge, but America continued, “I swear, it’s a conspiracy, to try to get kids to read things with actual content. Anyway, how’d you like it?”
“It was… interesting,” said England.
“Interesting.”
“Yeah.”
“Come on, it was about World War Two!”
“So are a lot of your movies,” said England.
“Yeah? Well Slaughterhouse-Five is a great book. Just like how Saving Private Ryan is a great movie.”
“I don’t recall there being any plunger-shaped aliens in Saving Private Ryan.”
“Well, you know,” said America, floundering, “It’s like… an allegory. You know, like The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.”
“Oh, well then. What do these plunger-shaped aliens stand for, exactly?”
“They stand for,” said America. Then he paused, and started again. “They stand for…”
“See, you stop copying off of me, and this is what you get.” said England.
“That’s not true! As soon as my writers stopped copying off of you, we got Mark freaking Twain —”
“Who couldn’t spell —”
“It was a Missouri dialect, dammit! Pure Americana! Don’t tell me yours have never written dialect. I’ve tried to read Wuthering Heights. Impossible.”
“That’s how you’re supposed to do dialect. You don’t write dialect if everyone has the same one. That’s just stupid.”
“Mark Twain was not stupid!”
England opened his mouth but America just continued.
“Why can’t you recognize that I actually have some culture that I haven’t copied for once? God!”
“That wasn’t my point —”
“What was your point? The time travel part? You know, some of Mark Twain had time travel in it too. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court? Ever heard of it? You’d think you’d read novels that you were in.”
“That wasn’t—”
“What makes H. G. Wells so great, anyway? It’s older? Not everything older is better, you know.”
“That —”
“You were never too keen on him, either. What if I made fun of Peter Pan? And start to call it just some dumb fairy story?”
“You. Take. That. Back.”
“No.”
“Yes. Now.”
“Why should I?”
“First of all,” said England, “It is not just some ‘dumb fairy story.’ Second of all, Peter Pan was the name of that dumb movie Disney made. The book was called Peter and Wendy. Third, the man who wrote Peter and Wendy was Scottish, not English. And fourth, that’s not what I was trying to say at all!”
America finally shut up and drank more frappuchino.
“Look. I’m willing to excuse the plunger-shaped aliens and time travel —”
“Tralfamadorians and being unstuck in time,” corrected America.
“Whatever. I’ll excuse it because it was written in the sixties and we were both really high back then,” said England, “But otherwise, the book isn’t like you at all.”
“Well, I didn’t write the book,” said America, setting down the frappe and twisting the straw wrapper. “Vonnegut did. And he had this thing about what happened at Dresden. You were there too, so you remember what Germany was like after it, right? And I kind of wanted to talk to him about it, but after the war I was so busy with Japan and then the Cold War and, well, you know…” The straw wrapper had torn into two pieces, each perfectly rolled into a paper rope.
“I see,” said England.
“Is that all you wanted to know?” said America.
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.” The sounds of the coffee shop filled their pause, other people chatting, typing on laptops, and the coffee machines whirring.
“Well,” said America his usual dopey grin returning, “As long as we’re spilling our guts about classic literature, mind giving me some commentary on A Clockwork Orange?”
YES. I wrote a whole paper for Lit class on Slaughterhouse-Five and HOLY CRAP. Nothing makes me happier when people connect Hetalia to lovely books of literature.
Oh, and triple win on the reference to post-Dresden Germany.
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Slaughterhouse-Five
(Anonymous) 2009-03-10 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)If you can find a place for smut in this prompt, you're totally welcome to it. :D
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [1/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-03-16 07:19 pm (UTC)(link)--
England sipped his tea, seemingly trapped in his chair. The walls had a warm color along with the lighting, the chair low and heavily-cushioned, cradling him. In other words, it was, well, womblike, almost, like every other Starbucks he’d ever been in. He wondered how these places had possibly become so popular. Perhaps Freud had been right.
On top of it all, the tea was terrible.
“So, umm, why’d you want to talk to me?” asked America. The whole place smelled like coffee. That might have something to do with the taste of the tea — with every sip, he also got a mouthful of coffee.
“I was looking at your banned books list.”
“That old thing? I haven’t banned a book in like, what, forty years?”
“No, the other banned books list.”
“Oh, that one,” he said, laughing, “Looking for something good for after Harry Potter?”
“I’ve read since Harry Potter.” This was pretty pointless, he thought, but then again, America had called him over for more pointless things than this. That new swingset, for example.
“Yeah, that whole inspired into reading thing, got you —”
“Unlike you, I’ve always read.”
America paused, slurping that sugary-coffee concoction they sold with whipped cream and a hundred thousand calories.
“Yeah, well, anyway, that banned books list, it’s false advertising. The stuff there’s barely racy. If you’re looking for actual erotica, you won’t find it there,” he said.
“That’s not what I meant.”
America gave him a doubting look.
“And anyway, I found a book,” said England, digging around in his laptop bag and handing America a paperback. America took it, looking it front and back, flipping it to where he knew the pictures were.
“Slaughterhouse-Five! Yeah, I remember this stuff! Good stuff, too. Let me guess, though — you got lured in because it was banned for sexual content, right?”
“No, it wasn’t that at all.”
“Oh come on. Nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone tries to do that at least once.” England leaned back, his cheeks forming a pink tinge, but America continued, “I swear, it’s a conspiracy, to try to get kids to read things with actual content. Anyway, how’d you like it?”
“It was… interesting,” said England.
“Interesting.”
“Yeah.”
“Come on, it was about World War Two!”
“So are a lot of your movies,” said England.
“Yeah? Well Slaughterhouse-Five is a great book. Just like how Saving Private Ryan is a great movie.”
“I don’t recall there being any plunger-shaped aliens in Saving Private Ryan.”
“Well, you know,” said America, floundering, “It’s like… an allegory. You know, like The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.”
“Oh, well then. What do these plunger-shaped aliens stand for, exactly?”
“They stand for,” said America. Then he paused, and started again. “They stand for…”
England waited, a mocking smile on his lips.
“Maybe it’s not an allegory.”
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [2/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-03-16 07:20 pm (UTC)(link)--
“See, you stop copying off of me, and this is what you get.” said England.
“That’s not true! As soon as my writers stopped copying off of you, we got Mark freaking Twain —”
“Who couldn’t spell —”
“It was a Missouri dialect, dammit! Pure Americana! Don’t tell me yours have never written dialect. I’ve tried to read Wuthering Heights. Impossible.”
“That’s how you’re supposed to do dialect. You don’t write dialect if everyone has the same one. That’s just stupid.”
“Mark Twain was not stupid!”
England opened his mouth but America just continued.
“Why can’t you recognize that I actually have some culture that I haven’t copied for once? God!”
“That wasn’t my point —”
“What was your point? The time travel part? You know, some of Mark Twain had time travel in it too. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court? Ever heard of it? You’d think you’d read novels that you were in.”
“That wasn’t—”
“What makes H. G. Wells so great, anyway? It’s older? Not everything older is better, you know.”
“That —”
“You were never too keen on him, either. What if I made fun of Peter Pan? And start to call it just some dumb fairy story?”
“You. Take. That. Back.”
“No.”
“Yes. Now.”
“Why should I?”
“First of all,” said England, “It is not just some ‘dumb fairy story.’ Second of all, Peter Pan was the name of that dumb movie Disney made. The book was called Peter and Wendy. Third, the man who wrote Peter and Wendy was Scottish, not English. And fourth, that’s not what I was trying to say at all!”
America finally shut up and drank more frappuchino.
“Look. I’m willing to excuse the plunger-shaped aliens and time travel —”
“Tralfamadorians and being unstuck in time,” corrected America.
“Whatever. I’ll excuse it because it was written in the sixties and we were both really high back then,” said England, “But otherwise, the book isn’t like you at all.”
“Well, I didn’t write the book,” said America, setting down the frappe and twisting the straw wrapper. “Vonnegut did. And he had this thing about what happened at Dresden. You were there too, so you remember what Germany was like after it, right? And I kind of wanted to talk to him about it, but after the war I was so busy with Japan and then the Cold War and, well, you know…” The straw wrapper had torn into two pieces, each perfectly rolled into a paper rope.
“I see,” said England.
“Is that all you wanted to know?” said America.
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.” The sounds of the coffee shop filled their pause, other people chatting, typing on laptops, and the coffee machines whirring.
“Well,” said America his usual dopey grin returning, “As long as we’re spilling our guts about classic literature, mind giving me some commentary on A Clockwork Orange?”
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [2/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-03-17 12:55 am (UTC)(link)ANON... You win. Everything. Everywhere.
ESPECIALLY because of the last line.
(NotOP)
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [2/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-03-17 01:03 am (UTC)(link)I lol'd. This Americanon had to read Slaughterhouse-Five for a Lit class and agrees with England entirely. :D
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [2/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-03-17 07:30 am (UTC)(link)oh lord, the sixties.
this was awesome
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [2/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-07-02 03:24 am (UTC)(link)OMG, the last line...you win the internet. XD
Re: Slaughterhouse-Five [2/2]
(Anonymous) 2009-08-27 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)Oh, and triple win on the reference to post-Dresden Germany.