Sweden/Finland + UK + Sealand, in which a grumpy UK goes to the scandinavian husband and wife to complain about their son's behavior. Make whatever you want of it, anon, I leave the rest up to you!
NOTE: This isn't based on any historical situation or event. Also, I do know Sealand isn't an oil rig, England is just being tetchy.
***
"...$&%$ing glorified oil rig," England said, hauling Sealand up the steps of Sweden and Finland's porch, dripping fabric softener and detergent and keeping a tight grip on Sealand's collar in case the $*&#ing glorified oil rig tried to make a run for it. The glorified oil rig adjusted his hat and sulked.
England raised his hand to hammer on the door.
"K'rkl'nd," Sweden greeted him as the door swung open, let his gaze track across and down to Sealand and added "-s." Then he loomed at them menacingly, but Sealand thought that was probably accidental.
"I was captured while Conducting Espionage in Jerkenglandia," Sealand informed his father quickly before the aforementioned Jerk England could spread lying propaganda about him.
England stopped goggling at Sweden's supernatural door-opening skills and loominess and shouted "He was hiding in my laundry basket!"
"I did try to evade capture but I was unsuccessful in my attempt," Sealand continued grandly, ignoring the interruptions from the jerk portion of the audience.
"He threw fabric softener in my face and got stuck trying to climb out the window!" Fabric softener ran down the jerk's neck over the throbbing veins like a little stream.
"Obviously," Sealand said, glowering squintily at that jerk England, "I wanted to remain silent under torture but he kind of sort of already knows who I am and where I live."
"That so?" said Sweden. He was glaring at them both like he wanted to kill them and eat their guts, but that was how he always looked so Sealand wasn't especially bothered. Jerk England took one step back - Hah! That meant Sealand had a moral victory!
Sweden, probably deciding they weren't going to say anything else interesting, reached out and grasped Sealand's collar to pull him over the threshold. England didn't let go.
Sweden loomed and glared. England bristled his eyebrows. Sealand decided that he didn't want to be pulled in half and there was no shame at all in calling for reinforcements and screamed "Finland! FINLAAAAAND!"
Sweden stopped glowering and spun to face the stairs, eyes alight. Sealand wasn't sure how he managed that. Maybe he kept lightbulbs in his head. Would the other nations acknowledge him if he started keeping lightbulbs in his head?
Finland blinked at them all from the bottom of the steps, yawned drowsily and took a piece of salmiakki from the bag he kept in his dressing-gown. "Su-san, you found Peter already? Oh hello England - thank you for bringing Peter home, I was just wondering where he was - salmiakki?"
Sweden took a piece, waited until Finland looked away, and then tossed it over his shoulder into the front garden. England took a piece and actually ate it, ew, maybe he was so old and jerky his sense of taste had fallen off.
"Your son completely buggered up my laundry room," England told Finland, and folded his arms belligerently ("Ow! Hey! Jerk!" said Sealand, since England was still holding onto his collar). "What are you going to do about it?"
"He did? Oh no, I'm sorry!" said Finland. "Peter, that's very bad, you shouldn't have done that."
"I was trying to avoid capture!" Sealand wailed.
"Think what a good neighbour England was before you came to live with us," Finland suggested, petting Sealand on the hat.
"He set me on fire!"
Sweden rejoined the debate via sudden ferocious glaring.
"I did not ^$*#ing set you on fire!" England snapped. "You set yourself on fire with the toaster and I happened to be in the vicinity!"
"You tricked me into doing it with black magic!" Sealand retorted (and he had evidence, because he had this crayon drawing of Jerkland doing black magic in his room that would totally look like when England made him set himself on fire. That counted as evidence, right?) Sweden relaxed.
"Anyway, Sealand, I think you should go back to England's house tomorrow-"
"Y'h," Sweden rumbled.
"-and tidy his laundry - Ah? Su-san, you agreed so quickly-" Finland shifted unconfortably and pulled his dressing-gown tighter across his bare chest. Sweden thought and grunted "G't t'l'rn n't'g't c- l'rn r'sp'ns'b'l'ty. Y'h."
"...WHAT? That's not-!" England exploded, once he'd worked out what Sweden had been going to say.
"Yes, and write a formal letter of apology," Finland added. England's hand loosened very slightly on Sealand's collar; the micronation thought about trying to get free and hiding behind his parents and decided that would be unworthy of the Great Principality of Sealand.
"...formal letter?"
"With a letterhead and a fountain pen and everything," Finland agreed. Sealand watched England think it over. On the one hand, miscreants ought to be hanged; on the other hand, England really liked formal letters.
"Fine," England growled finally and let go of Sealand's shirt. Finland beamed. "Thank you, England! Have some more salmiakki!"
Sealand went to stand beside Sweden and look up at him accusingly as Finland ushered England off the porch.
"Really, Sealand, you shouldn't lurk in England's house, you live here." Sealand decided to change the subject.
"Did you know England has boxers with Donald Duck on? Do you think America would recognize me as a nation if I told him about them?"
Finland had to think about that one. "I'm sure France would - anyway you ought to start on that letter!" He headed for the study, probably to get some paper and a pen. Sealand stared at Sweden.
"You know I only got a tiny bit caught and anyway I was there for ages before he decided to go and do laundry so I don't think it should count. It doesn't count, right?"
Sweden thought about it, nodded, and went to his coat, which was thrown untidily across the stairs a few steps below a little pile of Finland's uniform. Sealand bounced impatiently on his toes.
"Hurry up, Finland's going to come back any second-"
If it was possible, Sweden actually slowed down, and Finland was leaving the study again when Sweden deposited a bag of Malaco in Sealand's hands practically in slow motion. Sealand quickly whipped it out of sight under his hat.
He didn't know why Sweden kept giving him sweets to go and Conduct Espionage in England's house, but he wasn't going to complain about it.
Oh god, that makes me laugh throughout the story.XDD You're very good at writing, anon, but probably you already know that right, haha. I love the characterisation, they're all IC and funny as hell. Thanks for writing this, anon!
Just one thing: "G't t'l'rn n't'g't c- l'rn r'sp'ns'b'l'ty. Y'h."
I only got 'Get to learn (??)- learn responsibility. yeah.' What's that word? Um, forgive my bad English.XD;;
Oh Sealand ♥ ILU. The Donald Duck boxers are only the tip of the iceberg, lad -- clearly this calls for some reconnaissance of England's wardrobe, Y/Y?
oh i like the idea of writing a formal letter to thank anon!author so here is my own:
dear sir or madam, thank you for your lovely contribution to the Hetalia kink meme, you shall soon be receiving a pair of donald duck boxers as a token of our gratitude. also, you do quite win the internet.
sincerely, anonymous
p.s. this was a truly cute, awesome, fic. i really loved sealand's characterization, we see so little of him but this is pretty much how i think of him as acting :)
Alfred cracked his knuckles and looked down at his, awesomely written, if he did say so himself, formal letter. This had to work! He had heard Finland talking to some whiny really short not-nationy kind of maybe-nation looking kid about how much England liked formal letters. He slipped in a picture of himself, looking awesome in just a pair of boots and a cowboy hat, sealed the envelope and shoved it in his mail box. He was so gonna get laid.
And you're an awesome kind of awesome for thinking of that, anon. And I really couldn't help myself.
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no subject
(Anonymous) 2009-01-16 04:35 am (UTC)(link)1/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-28 05:16 pm (UTC)(link)***
"...$&%$ing glorified oil rig," England said, hauling Sealand up the steps of Sweden and Finland's porch, dripping fabric softener and detergent and keeping a tight grip on Sealand's collar in case the $*&#ing glorified oil rig tried to make a run for it. The glorified oil rig adjusted his hat and sulked.
England raised his hand to hammer on the door.
"K'rkl'nd," Sweden greeted him as the door swung open, let his gaze track across and down to Sealand and added "-s." Then he loomed at them menacingly, but Sealand thought that was probably accidental.
"I was captured while Conducting Espionage in Jerkenglandia," Sealand informed his father quickly before the aforementioned Jerk England could spread lying propaganda about him.
England stopped goggling at Sweden's supernatural door-opening skills and loominess and shouted "He was hiding in my laundry basket!"
"I did try to evade capture but I was unsuccessful in my attempt," Sealand continued grandly, ignoring the interruptions from the jerk portion of the audience.
"He threw fabric softener in my face and got stuck trying to climb out the window!" Fabric softener ran down the jerk's neck over the throbbing veins like a little stream.
"Obviously," Sealand said, glowering squintily at that jerk England, "I wanted to remain silent under torture but he kind of sort of already knows who I am and where I live."
"That so?" said Sweden. He was glaring at them both like he wanted to kill them and eat their guts, but that was how he always looked so Sealand wasn't especially bothered. Jerk England took one step back - Hah! That meant Sealand had a moral victory!
Sweden, probably deciding they weren't going to say anything else interesting, reached out and grasped Sealand's collar to pull him over the threshold. England didn't let go.
Sweden loomed and glared. England bristled his eyebrows. Sealand decided that he didn't want to be pulled in half and there was no shame at all in calling for reinforcements and screamed "Finland! FINLAAAAAND!"
Sweden stopped glowering and spun to face the stairs, eyes alight. Sealand wasn't sure how he managed that. Maybe he kept lightbulbs in his head. Would the other nations acknowledge him if he started keeping lightbulbs in his head?
Finland blinked at them all from the bottom of the steps, yawned drowsily and took a piece of salmiakki from the bag he kept in his dressing-gown. "Su-san, you found Peter already? Oh hello England - thank you for bringing Peter home, I was just wondering where he was - salmiakki?"
Sweden took a piece, waited until Finland looked away, and then tossed it over his shoulder into the front garden. England took a piece and actually ate it, ew, maybe he was so old and jerky his sense of taste had fallen off.
2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-28 05:19 pm (UTC)(link)"He did? Oh no, I'm sorry!" said Finland. "Peter, that's very bad, you shouldn't have done that."
"I was trying to avoid capture!" Sealand wailed.
"Think what a good neighbour England was before you came to live with us," Finland suggested, petting Sealand on the hat.
"He set me on fire!"
Sweden rejoined the debate via sudden ferocious glaring.
"I did not ^$*#ing set you on fire!" England snapped. "You set yourself on fire with the toaster and I happened to be in the vicinity!"
"You tricked me into doing it with black magic!" Sealand retorted (and he had evidence, because he had this crayon drawing of Jerkland doing black magic in his room that would totally look like when England made him set himself on fire. That counted as evidence, right?) Sweden relaxed.
"Anyway, Sealand, I think you should go back to England's house tomorrow-"
"Y'h," Sweden rumbled.
"-and tidy his laundry - Ah? Su-san, you agreed so quickly-" Finland shifted unconfortably and pulled his dressing-gown tighter across his bare chest. Sweden thought and grunted "G't t'l'rn n't'g't c- l'rn r'sp'ns'b'l'ty. Y'h."
"...WHAT? That's not-!" England exploded, once he'd worked out what Sweden had been going to say.
"Yes, and write a formal letter of apology," Finland added. England's hand loosened very slightly on Sealand's collar; the micronation thought about trying to get free and hiding behind his parents and decided that would be unworthy of the Great Principality of Sealand.
"...formal letter?"
"With a letterhead and a fountain pen and everything," Finland agreed. Sealand watched England think it over. On the one hand, miscreants ought to be hanged; on the other hand, England really liked formal letters.
"Fine," England growled finally and let go of Sealand's shirt. Finland beamed. "Thank you, England! Have some more salmiakki!"
Sealand went to stand beside Sweden and look up at him accusingly as Finland ushered England off the porch.
"Really, Sealand, you shouldn't lurk in England's house, you live here." Sealand decided to change the subject.
"Did you know England has boxers with Donald Duck on? Do you think America would recognize me as a nation if I told him about them?"
Finland had to think about that one. "I'm sure France would - anyway you ought to start on that letter!" He headed for the study, probably to get some paper and a pen. Sealand stared at Sweden.
"You know I only got a tiny bit caught and anyway I was there for ages before he decided to go and do laundry so I don't think it should count. It doesn't count, right?"
Sweden thought about it, nodded, and went to his coat, which was thrown untidily across the stairs a few steps below a little pile of Finland's uniform. Sealand bounced impatiently on his toes.
"Hurry up, Finland's going to come back any second-"
If it was possible, Sweden actually slowed down, and Finland was leaving the study again when Sweden deposited a bag of Malaco in Sealand's hands practically in slow motion. Sealand quickly whipped it out of sight under his hat.
He didn't know why Sweden kept giving him sweets to go and Conduct Espionage in England's house, but he wasn't going to complain about it.
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-28 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)"I wanted to remain silent under torture but he kind of sort of already knows who I am and where I live."
"G't t'l'rn n't'g't c- l'rn r'sp'ns'b'l'ty. Y'h."
Haha, YES. XD
Lolz!
(Anonymous) 2009-01-28 06:04 pm (UTC)(link)On the one hand, miscreants ought to be hanged; on the other hand, England really liked formal letters..
XD
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-28 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)Just OMG this was perfect. Please to do more fills ok!? You're writing, I can;t get enough of it!
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-28 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-29 07:26 am (UTC)(link)Just one thing: "G't t'l'rn n't'g't c- l'rn r'sp'ns'b'l'ty. Y'h."
I only got 'Get to learn (??)- learn responsibility. yeah.' What's that word? Um, forgive my bad English.XD;;
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-29 08:10 am (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-29 05:13 pm (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-01-30 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)Dear Sir/Madam
lmfaoooooo i love this so much, please write everything ever.
Yours sincerely,
gigglefit!anon
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-02-23 01:34 am (UTC)(link)dear sir or madam,
thank you for your lovely contribution to the Hetalia kink meme, you shall soon be receiving a pair of donald duck boxers as a token of our gratitude. also, you do quite win the internet.
sincerely,
anonymous
p.s. this was a truly cute, awesome, fic. i really loved sealand's characterization, we see so little of him but this is pretty much how i think of him as acting :)
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-02-09 08:17 am (UTC)(link)oh, sweden is so sly. ;D
what is he planning to do that sealand shouldn't be around for, hmmm?? C:
thank you for this absolutely hilarious fic. i was giggling the whole time~
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-02-20 06:20 am (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-02-22 01:46 am (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-03-05 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)Oh my god.
I can't remember the last time I was so in pain trying to hold in my laughter (it's past midnight). XDD
Just, the dialogue! Sealand&England!snarkiness! Unintelligible!Sweden! ... You got it all so - perfectly.
And ohmygodSwedenyoufilthyoldman, paying Sealand to go away so you can sex up your wifey. XD
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-03-07 08:12 pm (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-03-09 06:42 am (UTC)(link)Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-04-05 01:47 am (UTC)(link)A++++ Awesome fill. Will lol again.
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-08-21 07:31 am (UTC)(link)To England, care of Arthur Kirkland
Dear Sir,
I WANT YOU IN MY BED
As stated above, your company in my abode would be much appreciated.
Get your sweet ass there before midnight tomorrow, then you can get jiggy with my awesome self.
Frick yeah,
Alfred
-because Arthur's a special kind of special XD
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2009-12-10 07:05 am (UTC)(link)And you're an awesome kind of awesome for thinking of that, anon. And I really couldn't help myself.
Re: 2/2
(Anonymous) 2014-06-10 02:41 am (UTC)(link)Absolutely hilarious.