A body sat down next to him, and a gentle hand pried one of his own hands away from his ear.
“Are you alright?” Spain asked.
No. “I don’t know,” Romano replied. Spain’s hand squeezed his in comfort.
“That must have been a shocking experience,” he murmured. “I never would have imagined something like this would happen. I thought Netherlands knew.”
Romano was sick of his confusion. “I don’t even know what I did!” he cried. It wasn’t fair! Why did this happen? Spain obviously knew something he didn’t. “Tell me why he got mad,” Romano demanded. “What are you keeping from me?”
“It’s not something I’m keeping from you…” Spain’s voice trailed off before he sighed. “Or maybe it is. The world is a cruel place, Romano.”
He wasn’t so young that he didn’t have his own painful memories. “I know.”
“I mean…” Spain pulled Romano into his lap, keeping their hands entwined. “I kept you in dresses because you were very cute. But I suppose I knew all along that young boys weren’t meant to wear dresses. There are certain ways that boys and girls should behave. If they don’t act in a way that’s socially acceptable, there are consequences.”
Romano frowned. “So it wasn’t acceptable for me to wear those kinds of clothes?”
“No.” Spain seemed ready to let the conversation die there, but Romano couldn’t allow that to happen. Improper attire couldn’t have possibly been the reason for Netherlands’ anger. Not that extent of anger. Romano still had so many questions for Spain.
“He said I was disgusting.” The words made Romano flush with shame. He hoped that Spain didn’t think he was disgusting, too. “And that I was a queer, but I don’t know what that is.”
Spain wouldn’t look Romano in the eye. “That really isn’t something worth talking about,” he tried, but Romano gave him a pitiful expression. Spain forced himself to explain, but not without regret. “The term ‘queer’ is used to describe—in a rather negative way—someone who is homosexual. Someone… someone who is interested in becoming intimate with a person of the same sex.”
“That’s bad?”
“Society says so,” Spain replied.
“Is it a sin?” Romano pressed. “Netherlands said I made him sin.”
Spain looked pained from Romano’s words, but Romano wouldn’t retract his question. He had to know. “It… Fr-France talked to you about… about sex, right?” Romano cringed, but nodded. Terrible, horrible conversation. “If a man wants to sleep with another man, it is considered a sin. But most people will tell you that any sort of homosexual behavior is sinful. So even flirting with another man… it’s an abomination.”
Something in Romano’s chest tightened. “Even… if… if a man wanted another man to become his very special person… that’s bad?”
“If by ‘very special person’ you mean ‘lover’, then yes.” Spain’s words were bitter. “That’s very bad.”
Romano’s palm grew cold and sweaty in Spain’s gasp. His plans for their future were suddenly cast in a different light. Something that seemed so wonderful to Romano once, now promised damnation if he were to approach it. Everything Netherlands was mad about made sense. How could he never have known any of this?
“Romano.” Spain’s voice was gentle. “Please, understand that just because the world—“
“I don’t want to hear anymore,” Romano interrupted. His heart ached, and now he couldn’t help but fear… “All this time, I’ve been doing something so bad and—“
“No no no, Romano! You haven’t done anything wrong at all! You didn’t know!” Spain tried to tighten his hold on Romano, but Romano pulled away and ran into the house, leaving Spain behind on the porch. He locked himself into his room for the rest of the night and tried to forget everything he had just learned. He couldn’t think of anything else.
*~*~*
A week had passed since the incident, when three dozen roses arrived from Netherlands, addressed to Romano. Instead of feeling pleased, Romano felt ashamed that he was receiving a gift intended for girls. Spain said that it must have been Netherlands’ pathetic attempt at an apology.
Untitled 13c/?
“Are you alright?” Spain asked.
No. “I don’t know,” Romano replied. Spain’s hand squeezed his in comfort.
“That must have been a shocking experience,” he murmured. “I never would have imagined something like this would happen. I thought Netherlands knew.”
Romano was sick of his confusion. “I don’t even know what I did!” he cried. It wasn’t fair! Why did this happen? Spain obviously knew something he didn’t. “Tell me why he got mad,” Romano demanded. “What are you keeping from me?”
“It’s not something I’m keeping from you…” Spain’s voice trailed off before he sighed. “Or maybe it is. The world is a cruel place, Romano.”
He wasn’t so young that he didn’t have his own painful memories. “I know.”
“I mean…” Spain pulled Romano into his lap, keeping their hands entwined. “I kept you in dresses because you were very cute. But I suppose I knew all along that young boys weren’t meant to wear dresses. There are certain ways that boys and girls should behave. If they don’t act in a way that’s socially acceptable, there are consequences.”
Romano frowned. “So it wasn’t acceptable for me to wear those kinds of clothes?”
“No.” Spain seemed ready to let the conversation die there, but Romano couldn’t allow that to happen. Improper attire couldn’t have possibly been the reason for Netherlands’ anger. Not that extent of anger. Romano still had so many questions for Spain.
“He said I was disgusting.” The words made Romano flush with shame. He hoped that Spain didn’t think he was disgusting, too. “And that I was a queer, but I don’t know what that is.”
Spain wouldn’t look Romano in the eye. “That really isn’t something worth talking about,” he tried, but Romano gave him a pitiful expression. Spain forced himself to explain, but not without regret. “The term ‘queer’ is used to describe—in a rather negative way—someone who is homosexual. Someone… someone who is interested in becoming intimate with a person of the same sex.”
“That’s bad?”
“Society says so,” Spain replied.
“Is it a sin?” Romano pressed. “Netherlands said I made him sin.”
Spain looked pained from Romano’s words, but Romano wouldn’t retract his question. He had to know. “It… Fr-France talked to you about… about sex, right?” Romano cringed, but nodded. Terrible, horrible conversation. “If a man wants to sleep with another man, it is considered a sin. But most people will tell you that any sort of homosexual behavior is sinful. So even flirting with another man… it’s an abomination.”
Something in Romano’s chest tightened. “Even… if… if a man wanted another man to become his very special person… that’s bad?”
“If by ‘very special person’ you mean ‘lover’, then yes.” Spain’s words were bitter. “That’s very bad.”
Romano’s palm grew cold and sweaty in Spain’s gasp. His plans for their future were suddenly cast in a different light. Something that seemed so wonderful to Romano once, now promised damnation if he were to approach it. Everything Netherlands was mad about made sense. How could he never have known any of this?
“Romano.” Spain’s voice was gentle. “Please, understand that just because the world—“
“I don’t want to hear anymore,” Romano interrupted. His heart ached, and now he couldn’t help but fear… “All this time, I’ve been doing something so bad and—“
“No no no, Romano! You haven’t done anything wrong at all! You didn’t know!” Spain tried to tighten his hold on Romano, but Romano pulled away and ran into the house, leaving Spain behind on the porch. He locked himself into his room for the rest of the night and tried to forget everything he had just learned. He couldn’t think of anything else.
*~*~*
A week had passed since the incident, when three dozen roses arrived from Netherlands, addressed to Romano. Instead of feeling pleased, Romano felt ashamed that he was receiving a gift intended for girls. Spain said that it must have been Netherlands’ pathetic attempt at an apology.
Romano gave the flowers to Belgium.
*~*~*