America spent the entirety of his second pregnancy positive he hated his unborn baby.
By turns, the colony was resentful and self-pitying--his bewilderment over how he could be pregnant was brought back full force, with no resolution to be had. He felt guilty for not paying more attention to his daughter. He was so tired that not a day went by without him wanting to cry from being so worn out. Some days America couldn't get up and do what needed to be done. On good days, he'd be able to do the essential, still have time for Virginia, and only catnap for a few minutes while with her. When he had time to rest, contradictorily, he was overwhelmed with urges to clean, or do other more practical things like read to his daughter or fuss over her clothes and the clothing he intended to use for the baby.
Virginia was getting big enough to semi care for herself, and America couldn't help thinking he should have been closer to having some of his freedom back, not needing to restart the routine! He tried to remember that the baby hadn't asked to be conceived, it was his and Netherlands's own stupid fault--but with all that was pervading America's thoughts, he wondered if there'd be any way he wouldn't take his unhappiness out on his poor child.
***
He felt so awful after delivering New Netherland that for a while, America forgot to feel guilty for not being happy about the new baby.
Having Virginia hadn't been this bad. Maybe he'd been in shock at the time and had forgotten how it had gone, or this baby was bigger and hurt worse, or he'd bled more with it, but America was only able to wipe the mess from the birth into a heap of bloody, dampened sheets before collapsing into bed, the baby on his chest. He might have passed out. Later, he became aware that Virginia was in the room and on the bed next to him, bothering the baby, who--from the pain America was feeling--had taken it upon himself to try to get a meal out of America.
Breastfeeding grossed out America more than pregnancy had. It was completely illogical, seeing how much he'd already done that was unnatural, but America didn't want to prolong what his body had been undergoing.
His inclination was to straightaway pry off the newborn. America was tired though, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to get up any time soon. He let the baby continue nursing, intending to sleep and, when he was feeling more alert, instruct Virginia to milk the goat and start feeding the baby on that.
This wasn't a good idea.
When America cut off the supply to New Netherland, more than a day had gone by. America's body was not getting the hint that he didn't want to breastfeed, and New Netherland did not appreciate a glove full of goat secretion being shoved into his face. Virginia took over trying to get her brother to swallow the goat's milk, as America crossed his arms over his aching chest. After two days, America couldn't take anymore--it was scaring him how the baby was vomiting up anything they got into him. The way things were going, the newborn was going to choke to death before he could starve.
The hell with indignity. America didn't want his baby suffering.
Knowing that even in the lowest moments of his resentment, he didn't wish any harm on this second child eased America's guilt. Within days, he forgot that he'd ever felt any unhappiness toward the baby.
***
He still wasn't happy, but feeding the baby and arguing with Virginia exhausted America so much that he was in too much of a daze to recognize he was feeling discontentment.
This trance-like state lasted until the day America heard the door to the house open and he was greeted by not Virginia's voice but England's. The country was calling America's name and then saying something about tea as America--for the first time in months feeling something other than dreariness--headed for his guardian, overjoyed that England had returned. His children were the furthest thing from his thoughts as England stammered in shock over how much America had grown, and America didn't even care that he was acting like an overeager puppy as he threw himself at England.
"You got so big!" England finally managed to voice coherently.
"You were gone a long time!" America responded, accusingly.
All is Not As it Seems - 6a
By turns, the colony was resentful and self-pitying--his bewilderment over how he could be pregnant was brought back full force, with no resolution to be had. He felt guilty for not paying more attention to his daughter. He was so tired that not a day went by without him wanting to cry from being so worn out. Some days America couldn't get up and do what needed to be done. On good days, he'd be able to do the essential, still have time for Virginia, and only catnap for a few minutes while with her. When he had time to rest, contradictorily, he was overwhelmed with urges to clean, or do other more practical things like read to his daughter or fuss over her clothes and the clothing he intended to use for the baby.
Virginia was getting big enough to semi care for herself, and America couldn't help thinking he should have been closer to having some of his freedom back, not needing to restart the routine! He tried to remember that the baby hadn't asked to be conceived, it was his and Netherlands's own stupid fault--but with all that was pervading America's thoughts, he wondered if there'd be any way he wouldn't take his unhappiness out on his poor child.
***
He felt so awful after delivering New Netherland that for a while, America forgot to feel guilty for not being happy about the new baby.
Having Virginia hadn't been this bad. Maybe he'd been in shock at the time and had forgotten how it had gone, or this baby was bigger and hurt worse, or he'd bled more with it, but America was only able to wipe the mess from the birth into a heap of bloody, dampened sheets before collapsing into bed, the baby on his chest. He might have passed out. Later, he became aware that Virginia was in the room and on the bed next to him, bothering the baby, who--from the pain America was feeling--had taken it upon himself to try to get a meal out of America.
Breastfeeding grossed out America more than pregnancy had. It was completely illogical, seeing how much he'd already done that was unnatural, but America didn't want to prolong what his body had been undergoing.
His inclination was to straightaway pry off the newborn. America was tired though, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to get up any time soon. He let the baby continue nursing, intending to sleep and, when he was feeling more alert, instruct Virginia to milk the goat and start feeding the baby on that.
This wasn't a good idea.
When America cut off the supply to New Netherland, more than a day had gone by. America's body was not getting the hint that he didn't want to breastfeed, and New Netherland did not appreciate a glove full of goat secretion being shoved into his face. Virginia took over trying to get her brother to swallow the goat's milk, as America crossed his arms over his aching chest. After two days, America couldn't take anymore--it was scaring him how the baby was vomiting up anything they got into him. The way things were going, the newborn was going to choke to death before he could starve.
The hell with indignity. America didn't want his baby suffering.
Knowing that even in the lowest moments of his resentment, he didn't wish any harm on this second child eased America's guilt. Within days, he forgot that he'd ever felt any unhappiness toward the baby.
***
He still wasn't happy, but feeding the baby and arguing with Virginia exhausted America so much that he was in too much of a daze to recognize he was feeling discontentment.
This trance-like state lasted until the day America heard the door to the house open and he was greeted by not Virginia's voice but England's. The country was calling America's name and then saying something about tea as America--for the first time in months feeling something other than dreariness--headed for his guardian, overjoyed that England had returned. His children were the furthest thing from his thoughts as England stammered in shock over how much America had grown, and America didn't even care that he was acting like an overeager puppy as he threw himself at England.
"You got so big!" England finally managed to voice coherently.
"You were gone a long time!" America responded, accusingly.